A friend complained to me about a “self described healer and teacher and student of zen” who is a sociopath, a habitual liar, has unethical business practices and doesn’t pay their bills.  I asked what his problem with it was. “Well, they shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it.”
Me: “Why make it your business? Can you turn your attention to something else?”
Him: “But it will still be happening, it won’t stop because I stopped paying attention to it.”
Me: “But it will stop bothering YOU if you stop paying attention to it.”
Him: “But that doesn’t stop them.”
Me: “You don’t have to stop them. It’s not your job to stop them.”
Him: “So what’s my job? How do I fix the situation?”
Me: “You fix the situation by turning your attention to something else. You leave them up to the Universe to handle. You find fun and interesting things to focus on. You release them to their own karma. That way you stop creating more karma in your own world.”    Continue reading →

The candy that was the big goal and focus all month now lies strewn on the table and everyone is sick from it.  I’ve done that with so many things in my life, strived for a particular goal because everyone else did, then got sick of it because I wanted it to make me happy and it didn’t. But it’s a process of elimination and every year I learn more.

Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror.  Just keep going. No feeling is final.  ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Most of us have no idea of the power of our attention. Whether an object, a person or a situation, my attention to it breathes life into it, it activates it, it expands it, it amplifies it. When I gain power over my attention, I can be very powerful indeed.  Life improves the more connected and allowing I can be. As I attune myself to the finer frequencies, and train my senses to be more acute, more aware, able to pick up the subtle nuances of energetic flow, my life gets easier and I am more in the flow with many good things.   It’s all a matter of focus and attention. And I’m the one who is in charge of where I maintain my focus, how intensely and for how long.  You know that friend you have who always is so happy to see you, who gushes over you and makes you feel like the most loved person on the planet? The power of their attention causes you to expand into more of who you really are. Their attention causes your beliefs to stretch and become flexible, to allow in other possibilities, to access greater potential.  Or that furry friend that greets you morning and night, always thrilled to see you, delighted by your attention! Seek out the people who activate and expand you and test it for yourself.  Let the ones who contract you fade into the background. Then turn your attention back to the people around you, and know the power you have when you turn your positive attention on them.

Paula Renee writes: Will You Be My Next Soul Mate? The idea of a soul mate is very romantic. To meet someone else in this world of billions who shares your same values, interests, desires, and goals is an exhilarating notion, don’t you think? It’s possible to meet someone who, at any given moment in time, is at the same place you are geographically and spiritually. But to think two people can remain on a joint wavelength over many, many years is, in my mind, a set up for failure. Yet, we continue to watch those silly movies that end in “happily ever after” and fool ourselves into thinking it’s real. Enter the narcissistic sociopath. A master at making the magic SEEM real just long enough to send you spiraling into a fog. The  narcissist as our “SOUL MATE” is cunning and knows who to select and who to avoid. He will come on strong, sweep us off our feet. He seems to have the same values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes, habits. He admires our intellect, ambition, honesty and sincerity. He wants to marry us quickly. He fakes integrity, appears helpful, comforting, generous in his ‘idealization’ of us phase. It never lasts. Eventually Jekyll turns into Hyde. Continue reading →

Years ago a born again Christian friend came to me for meditation and when we began discussing metaphysical concepts, his mind blew open. He said that he was meditating and having revelations for the first time in his life. He was gaining insight from the time he spent contemplating our conversations and I witnessed his beliefs evolving and morphing. I watched the light bulbs as they went off.  What I told him is what I’d tell anyone who was newly on the path – it is good basic info, especially if you’re feeling “trapped” or imprisoned by anything or anyone. As Bo Lozoff says, “we’re all doing time” somehow. If you’re reading this, you’re undergoing some transformation in your own life so parts of this will be relevant for you. A month later I wrote to him in jail: “You said you’ve been rethinking everything you’ve ever done. You sounded resigned to it, which is good since that lowers your level of resistance, which means you’re vibrating in a more allowing and accepting place. When that happens, a better result can come about and things can fall into place quicker. Hang in there.  Plus you can practice being a yogi meditating on God all day every day you’re in there. And write! Finally, you’ve been wanting time to write!”

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One thing I always talk with new friends about is being honest in our communication.  That means speaking our minds freely, not holding back out or sugar coating it or making hints instead of outright saying it.  So when a friend gets angry yet they mask it and don’t tell me, that does neither of us any good. If they hint around about something and I don’t change, I clearly didn’t get their hint. That doesn’t help the relationship.  How do I know to stop chewing gum if you don’t tell me it bugs you? And if you know when to walk away and don’t, that dishonors both of us.

I know the importance of words and their effect on people who hear them, so I never say what I don’t mean, even in anger.  A friend told me once after an angry outburst, saying first one thing, then another: “Isn’t it clear that I don’t know what I want?” How wise to have that glimpse into self and be able to admit it.

I once asked a friend when he was going to get around to doing xxx that he’d promised months before. He’d said to remind him in 3 months, and when I did, he flew off the handle and read off a list of things I did that annoyed him and he stormed out. Things were never the same again.  I don’t understand why someone would react like that. Why not just answer the question? He never answered it, he cut me off completely.

As far as not telling someone what is bothering you, I can understand wanting to avoid telling someone who responds by verbal confrontation.   I believe there’s never a reason to lose your temper and go into screaming mode.  The only thing you’re ever mad at anyway is someone failing to meet your expectation.

If I have a question, I ask it.  If something bothers me, I say it, in the moment of it. Oh I may let something slide a time or two, but if it really bothers me, I mention it.  No, you can’t eat or smoke in my car.  Ok, your dog or kid can visit once. Once.  Yes, I like it when you put your dishes in the sink, thank you. No vague hints, nothing left unsaid, no guesswork, no misunderstanding. Most importantly, no one’s time wasted, it’s all out front and center.  When everything is discussed, nothing gets bottled up so there’s never a reason for a blow up.

A galpal last year said she delayed for two weeks telling me to please shower and use deodorant after gardening if we were going to lunch. I laughed because she’s right, I didn’t always shower and I seldom wear deodorant. No one ever mentioned it before. Yet it bothered her and she chose to endure it and not tell me it was an issue, allowing me to offend who knows who else for those two weeks? Not wanting to hurt my feelings? What I find offensive is someone who won’t speak their mind when they have something to say. Someone who thinks a topic like this would “hurt my feelings” yet letting me be offensive to everyone else is “okay.”

An ex once told his new flame we didn’t break up earlier because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.  More hurtful was sticking around and pretending to be into it when we both knew it’s not a good match and we’re both ready to move on. Big time waster for everyone!  We could have parted as friends but he had no prior role model for that so he had to blow up. Don’t hold someone back, cut them loose the second the feeling for them passes. I welcome it when friends call me on my stuff as they do it to honor and improve our relationship with each other.

RELATED:  Why the angry act out as they do
Not saying what’s on your mind because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings is unkind and disrespectful to both of you

Not that I’m keeping score *hehe* Well, yes, I do keep score.  I have such a bad memory, that when someone does something nice for me, I don’t want to forget to be grateful for it. No, I won’t forget to thank them, but I don’t want to forget even the smallest things people do for me. I want to have reminders so I can have constant fuel for my Gratitude Bank. Here is one list:

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Am editing, trying to reduce 2100 words to 1500. When someone says “Oh, I can write 5000 words on that!”  Well, sure 5,000 words anyone can do. The gift is in reducing it to 1,500 words that keep someone’s attention riveted. Brevity and entertainment take skill. I could use a little of each.