I have no pics like these of your man

It’s been fun going thru old pics from the 70’s-90s, remembering fun times and reconnecting with friends I once shared a moment with. It’s a perfect example of how the relationship karma of this month’s Venus retrograde thru Sept 6^th is playing out in my life. Seeing pics taken of former partners in past relationships had me meditate upon each one. I searched my inner archives to find any remnants of unresolved issues. I found a few. These were all good men. Mostly, we were young, we were growing and changing. We were meant to connect for part of each other’s journey but we were not each other’s final destination. For the most part, we’d already run into each other years later, had our exit interview and laughed about old times. I was reminded of two with whom I’d parted bitterly. I reflected on my part in the demise of both relationships. In each, the bottom line was that in marrying each, I’d essentially accepted a job I’d lied about my qualifications to get. It’s easy to see things in retrospect. I was brought up thinking we have to have a partner and marry them, so I kept doing that. It took me decades to discover I’m not happy in domestic life. It would be fun playing house during the infatuation periods, but I always had solitary projects going on I couldn’t wait to get back to. I learned cohabiting is not for me. I don’t share space well. I spend so much time in conversation with people for work, that on my leisure time I bask in the silence.  Continue reading →

I wrote in A FB friend picks me to bully that someone was giving me heck and playing it up for their Facebook friends. It’s funny when people you don’t even know start making up things about you. But it gave me the chance to put in writing how the “think happy thoughts” stuff works. But first, if you find yourself gossiping about or being combative with someone, you might ask yourself Why do I feel compelled to cause trouble? What in me is being triggered that I need to act like this? What is the real reason I find it hard to be considerate and generous with this person, or anyone? We all go through ego struggles. When we recognize we’re doing it as adults, we stop. So here’s what yesterday’s critic accused me of, none of which I do.

1. talk about archangels and fairies
2. run around the world and think nothing is wrong
3. pray to a crystal and expect it to heal the world
4. tell someone who is being raped to be more positive
5. say “think happy thoughts and you won’t die while jumping off a cliff”
6. say the world is all daisies and beautiful entities trying to teach you and let you grow

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A Facebook friend posts about all the stupid and fake people in her world who create drama and start pointless fights for attention. I joked  “they’ve got you good if they’ve got you talking about them.” She then began name calling me and saying I “consistently” belittle her.  I have never met this woman.  I’ve made maybe 5 comments thru the years on her posts, none negative. I was the only one who donated to her online request for $$ years ago. When people are stuck in their own head, don’t try to make it make sense. It has nothing to do with you. You are triggering something in them and they don’t know what else to do with how they feel. They’ll say you said and did stuff you did not so they can play- act the other side of the conversation for their audience. Don’t get irked when that happens. I consider it an honor when someone publicly uses me as the scapegoat to work out their own reflection. That tells me I’m in their life for soul growth. Knowing that, I consider it an honor and deeply bow. I bless them and take my focus off it.

NOTE: If you find yourself doing this, you might ask yourself why do I feel compelled to attack this person?  Why do I feel compelled to exaggerate and lie about any person or situation, ever?  What am I hoping to elicit from my audience? What benefit do I receive by doing it? What in me is so broken that I need to act like this? What do I expect to come back to me if I treat people like this?  Life begins once you stop the drama and drop all pretense.

Hello, thank you for the reconnection. I’ve apologized to Y and I’ll apologize to you for everything from the past. I take complete responsibility. I could have handled it better. Y and I have only briefly chatted. I like her. Her moving, etc., she could really use your guidance about options. I’m glad to be her friend. Mine is a drama free zone. Feel free to email me if you wish at horizonsmagazine@gmail.com.

Bless the ones who vibe in that place of attracting misinformation from friends who pretend they know it all. Bless those who lose their home and their health and their livelihood because of it. It doesn’t matter if you spell the solution out in black and white, if you are not in vibrational resonance with them, they can’t see it, they can’t hear it. Bless them, there but for the grace of God go I.

You know that really mean thing you’d like to say to or about someone, just because they so fkn deserve it? How about instead you hold your tongue and forget who deserves what and who did what to whom. How about you this once rise above it and don’t give it so much power to disturb your peace. Nothing infuriates your tormentors more than to know there’s something stronger in you than they have in themselves.

I just mowed the back yard. I saw a partial snake skin, an empty beetle shell and a big butterfly dancing around. I love those daily reminders that life is all about change and transformation. We can also die to an old life and begin another in the same lifetime, many times in fact. I know I’ve been recreated several times over.

Call it ghost busting, call it exorcism, isn’t it all simply thought form deactivation? The question is — these “entities” — are they simply thought forms we keep reactivating by our attention to them? Or do they have an existence independent of having attention placed on them? Does anything? Do we?  So when the medium clears the space, are they actually “banishing a spirit” or are they simply raising the vibration of the residents so that they no longer sense the spirit? Doesn’t everything exist on its own little parallel plane, and depending upon our vibrational resonance in the moment we either tune into it or not just like radio stations?  Consider that even one little distant thought might be enough fuel to something keep alive and active . It’s truer than most know that our thoughts live on. They impact our future experience. The moment I really KNEW that, how I thought changed on the spot.  It taught me to ponder on whatever I want to keep alive. It taught me to give no attention to whatever I’m ready to let pass.

Last week I had a carpal tunnel flare up on both wrists at the same time. One morning sitting on the floor to meditate, I realized without using my hands and using only one leg trying to get up, I was like a turtle on its back. I made myself laugh out loud. Necessity is the mother of invention. I rolled up on the other knee as graceful as a drunken wombat and was good to go. This evening was the first night in about 2 weeks that I did any kind of working out. I’ve been trying to do things that don’t have me moving my right leg at all. Tonight I did some barre stretches and hand weights. I do yoga everyday but it has been really limiting to stay off the right leg. I would have thought after basically lying around for over a week and doing very little physical activity that I would be well rested, yet after exercising just under an hour I have more energy than I’ve had all week. I miss it when I am not moving my entire body. At this point the leg feels fine, just a little stiff. I’ll be glad when I can sit cross legged again. It never occurred to me I might not be able to do that my whole life.

10-6-15 UPDATE: I can sit cross legged again!  Not a half lotus yet but… small steps!

UPDATE photo 8-15-15 It’s a bouy collecting data –>
We drove to the ocean and just off stair access No. 13 was something I couldn’t identify in the ocean, a couple of hundred yards out. It was sticking straight up in the air and looks like the top ten feet of a golden colored mast with a short spar/yard near the top. It’s not bobbing like a bouy and it’s fairly close in what I’d guess is maybe 25-30 feet of water.
UPDATE: 8-15-15 it’s a bouy collecting data:    Continue reading →