I am happy to help people figure their way out. But they have to be working on it too, taking action. Someone asked me for help. I said to report a situation then ignore it, let it go. Instead of reporting it, the story kept being told over and over to different people. Instead of reporting it, a rant was posted on Facebook changing the story I originally got, now alleging a crime, except ‘the evidence got deleted.’  Do not call me unless you’re serious about wanting resolution. Don’t ask friends to do the work for you.

RELATED: How much attention do you give it when someone begins hassling you? How do you nip something in the bud?

WWYD? I was seated next to a table of 3. I knew they were church ladies as they wore big name badges with their conservative church’s name. As they waited for their 4th, they began discussing, rather meanly, a family problem they heard she’s going through. They could ask her outright “but we all know what a liar she is.” It was just getting juicy when the liar arrived. Hugs and kisses and bless your hearts all around. Two went to the restroom together, and the 3rd woman turns to the 4th and tells her what the other two had to say about her. I almost laughed my soup out of my nose, since she’d been the instigator.  Twenty minutes later I’m about to leave the restroom when “the liar” walked in. I paused for a sign. She came right to the sink and stood next to me. We locked eyes in the mirror. “Your hair is lovely,” she said to me. Was this a test to see if I could keep silent while having such powerful and perhaps life-changing information for her? Or was it spirit giving me ample chance to reveal something that was best known?   Continue reading →

This is how you nip it in the bud. This is how you stop it before it blows up

The calls this week have been an interesting mix. One friend has been receiving 5-10 hang up calls a day from an unknown caller. She has an idea it’s her ex since she’s recently begun seeing someone new, but she can’t be sure and doesn’t want to change her number. I told her to stop picking up and see if it dies down. Another has received obscene texts from a man who’s been told to not contact her. He has a rep for making inappropriate comments to women, but he’s also had several strokes this year and his brain doesn’t work as it did before. Nonetheless, my friend was outraged. I know this man so I called him to get the skinny. He acted confused and denied it. Then he texted her again. My friend was livid and asked what I suggested she do.    Continue reading →

Even when you know it’s all a cycle, when you’re in a slump it’s not easy to remember that. It can be work to get yourself out of a rut. You’ve gone down that road so often that it’s worn down in the shape of your shoes. But familiar and comfortable doesn’t mean it’s healthy or fun. It just means you’re so used to doing it that it requires very little thought. It’s no longer exciting or even interesting. You feel bored with it and, frankly, tired of everything else in your life as well. That’s it, you feel tired. Everything seems like such an effort. The worst thing about being in a rut is that it’s no fun. You’re simply in that head space where you have no focus, no enthusiasm for a goal that compels you forward. It happens to me, too.  Continue reading →

I was asked, “When I’m all happy and content, how can someone come along and burst my happy bubble?” Answer: Because mindfulness is a moment by moment choice. They will be just a passing blip on the screen of your life, unless you detain them and flood them with power-giving attention. If someone irks you, that just means you’ve let your focus wander. Get your self talk back under control and your aggravation will soon drop. You’ll notice your pain is caused, not when a troublesome thought surfaces, but by your conscious choice to follow the troublesome thought. By your conscious choice to re-activate your pain by staying on the topic both in your mind and with your friends. Stop being ticked at anyone you think can steal your happiness. They don’t have that much power over you until you give them power by your repeated thoughts and words. They were just a passing blip on the screen of your life, until you detained them by giving them attention.

RELATED: How do you nip something in the bud?

I had lunch with a friend today who remarked the only time she has a good experience in a restaurant is when she is with me. Then during the entire meal, even though the food was delicious and the service impeccable, all she kept talking about was how much she hates poor service and always gets it. Often she is the only one in her group who gets her order mixed up. She also didn’t like that the table next to us was speaking (very softly) another language. I hadn’t even noticed. I had to smile at the entire situation. She really has no idea that she keeps attracting stuff to complain about because she’s always on a mission to find something wrong with where she is and who she’s with. I’ve pointed it out to her. She thinks she’s just having a conversation and making observations. Her observations are right, according to her. I told her it’s not a right or wrong thang, it’s a perception thang. It’s a matter of how you look at something. And how you look at something determines what you can expect to attract out of it. I step into a restaurant expecting a good experience, whether it’s a $3 cup of tea or a $26 sushi boat. She steps into a restaurant expecting them to mix up her (always unnecessarily complicated) order. Even while scanning the menu, she begrudges the tip she’ll be expected to leave. And the thing is, even though we had a great lunch in a stellar atmosphere, she and I had different experiences. I watched the chefs make sushi and watched the fish in the aquarium dodge around each other, playing peekaboo with us. She continued deep into her story. I surrendered into not trying to make anything be any different than it was, just to find some good stuff in the present moment and groove on that.

My 88 year old aunt is glued to the weather channels and freaked over the tropical depressions forming. She’s causing herself unnecessary panic.  Do NOT be alarmed if they forecast an active hurricane season. While that may mean a lot of storms forming, it does NOT mean they are around long or that they even make landfall. If they do, it does NOT mean they make landfall near you. If they make landfall near you, it does NOT mean it causes you or anyone you know big physical or financial loss or damage. Just remember these things are as true as anything the meteorologists say.   Continue reading →

In real life, when a friend says they are sick we say “we hope you feel better, is there anything I can do for you?” On Facebook when you say you’re sick, half of your 5000 friends will tell you you’re eating the wrong thing and the other half will tell you you’re thinking the wrong way.

Welcome To Me: “What happens when a young woman with Borderline Personality Disorder wins the lottery? In the case of Alice Klieg (Kristen Wiig), she quits her psychiatric meds and buys her own talk show. Inspired by the immortal Oprah, she broadcasts her dirty laundry as both a form of exhibitionism and a platform to share her peculiar views on everything from nutrition to relationships to neutering pets.” I watched this movie on Netflix and really enjoyed it. It can be a little slow to begin, Wiig is delightfully and purposefully awkward as a woman pursing her dream. This scenario sounds familiar… A good friend of mine always gets me heck for being narcissistic and putting everything on Facebook. He says most of my stories can be edited down to “Why I’m great and I’m right.” That’s one way to look at it. I look at it as me sharing my life lessons, and the processes I used to get from there to here. When I’m successful in dealing with a challenge, I like to take note of it and remind myself of it because it inspires me. Reminding myself of successes makes new challenges seem more manageable. I like to share with friends how I overcame something because you and I are no different. You can do what I do. Narcissistic? Maybe. If it’s not fun or interesting for you, you don’t have to read it. But something in me needs to write it and, as usual, it’s all about me.

Taking a leap

I contracted a cool new project today with a favorite editor. It was attracted in no small part by recent discussions on the topic with a friend. I love how that works: that I attract what I focus on, even during play time and casual conversation. I wrote earlier that a friend asked about writing and editing, pricing and how to get jobs. Like so much of my life, it wasn’t planned, it was just some fun something that morphed into an income stream without my having ever set it as a goal. Which is pretty funny when I think about it, since I always have ongoing lists of goals to be accomplished.  Half of them get done, the others lose priority as something even better than I could have planned emerges fully formed into my life.  If I was to follow my own advice, I’d identify and develop as many skills as I was excited about and I’d nurture an intense desire to connect with those who were attracted to what I had to offer.  And then I’d begin to dance with whatever the Universe threw at me.  I’d remember that my job is to stay happy and continually draw pleasure from whatever experience I encounter. And it’s always good to remember how to attract dollars no matter what the state of the economy.  Continue reading →