It makes me shake my head when I hear law enforcement or investigators or anyone saying that someone didn’t have an appropriate reaction to grief. There is no standard appropriate reaction. Absence of tears or sadness does not mean absence of grief. People who make statements like this plant erroneous ideas in the minds of other people of how someone should act under stress. I’ve seen it countless hundreds of times. People are quiet, people laugh and joke, people are nervous, there is no one reaction. Anyone who says someone did not have an appropriate emotional reaction to grief simply has a pre-conceived notion of what the response should be.

Is Tweety-Bird a boy or a girl? Does it matter?

Why all the fuss about Caitlyn Jenner when we grew up with transgender cartoon characters???? Lisa Shaw writes on Facebook, “Yesterday,during a lesson on commonly confused words, I talked about “taught” and “thought,” which some of my Caribbean students confuse in writing, and my right brain kicked in when I said, “I THOUGHT I saw puddycat.” I said to the class, “Tweety’s a girl, right?” so I researched it in class and lo and behold! We discovered that originally, Tweety was female, but when Warner brothers bought the rights to the cartoon, he was changed to a male. Well!, then, I said, what’s the whole controversy over transgender issues and Caitlin Jenner? We all grew up with a transgender bird whom we loved. And look at Porky Pig. He is a he without genitals. We know this because he never wears pants, yet no one has been upset over this for 75 years. Bugs was defnitely male, but how often did he dress in drag to be funny? Hmmmm, the students thought. That’s right.”

I noticed today how big Benny was getting. “Oh, you’re such a big boy!” He’s clearly been supplementing with a natural outdoor diet. I reminded him “Hunting doesn’t make you a big boy. Only little boys think hunting makes you a big boy, whether it’s a mouse or a bear.”

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Last night two 45 minute calls turned into 4 hours but the time flew. The last two had issues with, among other things, barking dogs and grouchy neighbors. With each, I talked about how they attracted the vibe and how to get out of it. Afterwards, I went for a long walk in the neighborhood under the full moon. I thought “I seldom hear dogs bark. I know half my neighbors have them.” As I walked I began thinking which houses they lived at. I passed Cricket’s house and he barks in confirmation. The trampoline people have a dog and the 2 story house new people have a dog. I heard another bark from that direction. Then another from farther up the street. By the time I pass his house, his human has turned on the spotlights and opened the front door yelling at the dog. As I turn my corner, I notice there are several dogs barking now. Wow, I thought. This is a reminder how powerful I am, my thoughts can cause things to happen around me. All I have to do is let myself sink into the vibe of it (talking about and thinking about barking dogs — or whatever) and it appears literally in front of me. Now, how to use this amazing super power for good?

This is the face of OUR golden years. We’re not your grandma’s grandma. As elders we are the visionkeepers, holding your vision until you’re able to hold it on your own. We are the wayshowers; to make your path easier and save you steps, we share the way we’ve come and what the journey has taught us. We didn’t listen either so we learned our own way. This is the face of our golden years. We’re not your grandma’s grandma.

Image from Wild Woman Sisterhood: Radiant, luminous “crone” woman. During ancient times, the crones, hags and witches were frequently sages, leaders, midwives and healers in their communities and were revered for their wisdom and knowledge. As history evolved and a patriarchal society took hold, the definitions of the crone, (the crowned one) the hag, (the holy one), and the witch (the wise one) were distorted.  May we again respect all elders and honor their wisdom.

A 30-second spot during 2015 Super Bowl cost $4.5 million because those 30 seconds of words are proven to cause consumers to run out and buy that product. Impressionable minds learn disrespect even in sitcoms, violence and hate on tv, in video games and song lyrics. If you’re asking “Where did we go wrong?” when they see you glued to a monitor during your waking hours, phone, computer, iPad, tv, they learn to do the same. It less about telling them what not to do than it is about encouraging them to more fun and creative alternatives.

I watch Couples Therapy on VH1, a tv series chronicling celebrity couples as they get relationship counseling from Dr. Jenn Mann, a very cool and savvy relationship therapist.  I enjoy reality shows like this, where they show the process of working through a psychological problem and coming to new understanding about who they are and what they are capable of. There are 5 couples, this is Season 6, and there’s “a psychological problem” for everyone to relate to. It’s a free therapy session for viewers, I’ve learned from Dr Jenn’s advice on the show. Cast member Carmen Carrera is a transwoman, meaning she was born a male and transitioned to a female. Other cast members wonder does that make her male partner gay? I’ve learned gender identity has zero to do with sexual orientation. Meaning someone can be born a male and want to transition to a female, yet still prefer a female partner. Sexual preference can go either way, just as for the rest of us. Our body parts are such a tiny miniscule ingredient in our loving relationships. What we have is not nearly as important as what we think about ourselves and who we are with.

I watched the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion show because I have a client related to the show. On good behavior as they rehash the mean girl stuff they did all season long, I smile to watch their backtracking. My client has learned and grown from previous behavior and it shows: she makes far fewer outright bitchy digs. We all go through stuff like this but they’ve chosen to let theirs be televised. What a great teachable moment for them all when they watch it and see how they appear. If only we could all be recorded every moment of our lives and play it back for our own self-realization. This season, Tamara found religion and on the reunion show, born again former cast member Alexis asked Tamara why she makes such a big show of finding Jesus yet continues her hateful gossipy ways. Tamara and Heather’s reactions were they did not get it. I got it. When I begin wising up and seeing who I really was and seeing personality traits I was prone to, I made changes and my life thereafter showed it. Your daily life and your daily words show us the depth of your understanding. Oh, if we could see ourselves as others see us.

“I get exhausted trying to keep up a happy face,” a friend said. “How do you do it?” I told her daily meditation is the key. Anytime there’s something icky going on, I go back in time and apologize or do what it takes to make it right and then bring myself back into the Now. That pretty much keeps everything unhappy at bay so it’s no effort to keep up a happy face.