I thought this was over, let it go. Life is so much bigger than this silly blip in time

Don’t tell me something didn’t happen when I watched it unfold before my very eyes. Literally. On the monitor in front of me. Earlier this week I’d posted at Jeremy and Misty, I wish you well but please block me that I came home exhausted from a family emergency to messages and calls telling me my ex has been spending time with someone. We’re not together, they’ve been interested in each other since last year, I have real things on my mind and I don’t care. My issue is he kept up several very contrived lies to keep getting personal favors (transportation) from me. Then I came across him telling her that I hold him back and I don’t walk my talk. This from a man who told me I saved his life, was his stepping stone to freedom. That to me was the ultimate betrayal. Days after I make the post and the drama has died down, she writes:

“Andrea I am so sorry you are hurting. It does not take much for one to see the tone of this post was written from a place of pain, and you have every reason to feel such pain. You and jeremy had a great love story. No matter how it ended, the depth of what you two shared can never be compared. Your journey inspired us all, to reach toward new heights, and walk through your fears. We all got to share in that, the highs and the lows, from the many blogs written, and facebook posts. I was thankful to you, and to him, for both of you revealed parts of yourself that promoted growth for us all. In many respects I felt he brought you closer to us all, and even now in the pain you have and are revealing to the world, I feel more closer to you than I ever did before. I have great compassion for you, and love you still no matter how you need to view me.”

I replied: “Misty, no pain, I step out of drama. We were long over except as friends, the betrayal was the lies. Most illuminating confirmation was coming across the in process messages you were typing each other when I opened the laptop for the first time since the crazy msgs and calls, and thought the Facebook page I was opening was my own. I click on what looked like a msg to me from you and find you and he are talking. I watched mesmerized for a few minutes not knowing what I was seeing, then logged out of his accounts and cleared all passwords. I wish you well.”

And I do wish them well. I don’t care who partners with whom. We all move toward our own happiness. Anyone who thought we had a great love story misunderstands the nature of the relationship. Although he’s quick to declare love in poems, songs and flowery phrases to each new queen – how can one not fall for that? – our only committed goal was to share insights to help each other grow and learn, to share love, to be open and honest as long as we were in each others paths. Loss of love did not tear us apart. Lack of honesty did.

I don’t need to reveal their conversation. If she thought for a moment that I was anything like he was portraying me, bless her for coming to his aid immediately. He told me his current wife is like that. He told me his mother is like that. He told me his daughter is like that. I believed him. I learned he’s never left a relationship honorably. I ask forgiveness of anyone I’ve ever judged thinking what he told me about you was true. I forgive you for judging me as an enabler and a pawn despite my objection. There are no mistakes. As soon as I know better, I can do better.

Had he not gone into a big three day seduction scene to ensure the final score last week, this could have ended much differently. We were fine apart. We were friends, past the drama of months earlier. Why re-engage, just to see if he can still nail me when I say I’m no longer interested in that with him?? I am glad to put an end to this chapter. I later learned this was his pattern with the other women who contacted me.

2-15-13 UPDATE: I see he posted an apology for a few minutes as I was driving, then deleted it before I could read it at the stop light. He also deleted his post calling me the deceiver, because he knows that’s not true. We’re all moving on. I’m honored God let me read the words he said to her about me. It took my blinders off. It negated everything everything he’d ever told me about how I changed his life around when he had no one else. It let me cut the emotional cord for good. I know he’s just in a manic swing, but if that was really how he felt about me, wow. If it wasn’t, wow. I cannot be around people who do not honor and respect their fellow man enough to tell the truth and end things honorably.

My gift to Misty is having changed his mundane viewpoint of sex to more that of a sacred act of Divine love, when he asked for healing in that area. I hope you find it. He has the tools. When he realizes we are all One and what we give out comes back, he will change. So will you. We all do.

Andrea de Michaelis – Creating my own reality, one thought at a time

THIS IS MY PERSONAL BLOG

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