Yesterday my roommate was involved in a variety of projects which kept drawing my attention to what he was doing, rather than what I needed to be doing.  I told him it’s like watching the bunny do one cute thing after another. At at the end of the day — in box still full, calls unreturned, emails unanswered —  I realize I’ve done nothing all day except follow the flippin bunny.  And I wonder how I get off schedule?  My biggest occupational hazard has always been feeling as though I have no time to myself.  As a spiritual counselor, I connect with dozens of people each week and listen to their challenges and concerns.  If I’m not mindful, I can allow myself to fall into their vibe and let myself get caught up in their tension and worry.   If I do it enough, I can slow my income down to a trickle.  It only ever happens when I just let the hamster wheel run through my head, rather than stepping away and letting myself take time for conscious thought.

When I begin to feel I have no time to myself and ask myself why that is, I see I’m the only one to blame.  I set the priorities.  While I can tell myself it’s more noble to do some visualization on behalf of a client, I’m wrong on several counts.  One, they can wait while I take 15 minutes to myself.  Two, I’m not as indispensable as I’d like to pretend I think I am.  Third, if I am fully engaged in doing something else, I don’t have to deal with my own thoughts just yet.  I can keep pushing that to the back of my mind.  But pretty soon it’s going to pop to the forefront and I’ll remember that it’s a reminder to check what I’m doing, what I’m thinking and what I’m attracting.

I finally took time last weekend to ponder the elements of why my sleep was so off schedule.  The last 10 or 20 years my habit has been to work in the office from about dawn until around 2:00pm.  After that, I’d begin dimming the lights  and bring some work into the living room where I’d sit in the recliner until I fell asleep for 4-5 hours.  Then I’d work again until maybe 2:00am and begin it all over again.  I’d sleep twice a day and it kept me fueled for all I had to do.

The difference between then and now is that now when I begin to doze off, I let myself be awakened by the new sounds around me.  It’s a short window, this being drowsy.  If there are no outside sound or lights, I fall right asleep.  Otherwise, I spend those hours getting increasingly drowsy, too sleepy to work but too awake to drift off.

I pondered that since I like to fall asleep in a recliner, maybe the answer was a private sitting area in one end of my bedroom, a place that I could keep dark and quiet.  I also like to keep the tv on, sound muted, since it has caller id.  I called Brighthouse and had them install a separate converter box on a tv for that room.  I created a room divider to separate the sitting area from the bed.  I have blackout drapes on the window.  Now all I need to do is stop paying attention to the bunny.  I’ll get used to it.

I don’t need to change my life, I just need to change my perception of my life
A roommate after all these years
The secret to sleep