This morning was like many other mornings.  I woke up with an idea in mind that I wanted to write about, and by the time I got the computer turned on, other thoughts came to mind.  Then I took a quick look at email to make sure nothing was urgent; it was downhill from there.  By the time I quickly answered a couple of emails, my other thoughts had flown the coop.  It was just as well, since the main computer was acting up.  This would be the perfect week for computer whiz Chuck to take a look, so I sent him an email.  I came into the living room and, as the laptop booted, I pondered how often I allow my morning to begin like this.

Some people would call me a workaholic, but I prefer to think of it as being mission-driven. I enjoy my work, I like the people I get to connect with, I feel we all want to do good work together.  I earn a fair income and it’s fun, fulfilling work. Part of my work is to help hold a vision of something someone would like to achieve, or do some creative visualization on their behalf, some prayers, just a few minutes here and there throughout my day of focused thought-time.  I love doing this and it’s an important part of my practice.

I often find myself choosing to push yet another thought of my own to the back of my mind while I instead allot time to do some creative thought on behalf of a friend or client.  Sometimes I don’t mind at all, figuring if the thought was important, it’ll come back.  Other times I am left with thoughts of how stoopid I was to not give that thought attention right then, and write it down, and meditate on it, since it could have been my most valuable seed thought ever.  If I hadn’t blown it by not taking time to expand it in the moment it came up.

But we don’t always have the luxury of time to ponder our thoughts, do we?  Sometimes it’s all we can do to get through the day, with its constant people and questions and interactions and phones and emails and texts and oh right, work and raising kids and shopping and laundry and housework.  By the time we are alone with our thoughts, we have about 3 minutes before we fall asleep, to think about anything we want to think about.

When I begin to feel I have no time to myself and ask myself why that is, I see I’m the only one to blame.  I set the priorities.  While I can tell myself it’s more noble to do some visualization on behalf of a client, I’m wrong on several counts.  One, they can wait while I take 15 minutes to myself.  Two, I’m not as indispensable as I’d like to pretend I think I am.  Third, if I am fully engaged in doing something else, I don’t have to deal with my own thoughts just yet.  I can keep pushing that to the back of my mind.  But pretty soon it’s going to pop to the forefront and I’ll remember that it’s a reminder to check what I’m doing, what I’m thinking and what I’m attracting.

I always need a reminder at the time I get one.  Often I’m overdue.  When I’m feeling scattered and overworked, I’ve learned that usually all I have to do is change my perception.  I don’t have to be the martyr that never has time to herself, unless I choose to be.  That’s my choice.

I can exercise a little more discipline in not checking email every 15 minutes 24 hours a day.  I can just sit down and type anything I want, if I can keep myself focused.  And I keep myself focused by the power of my own will.  If I have not yet learned how to strengthen willpower, I can learn to do it.  It’s only as hard as I allow it to be.

So what was my lesson here?  To remember that I set the priorities.  I make the choices. If I’m going to let my automatic habits lead me to keep doing the things I typically do, I have to be prepared to deal with attracting the same thing I’ve always attracted, whatever that is.

You, too?

How To Strengthen Willpower
Andrea’s Meditation Process

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