I already know what the spin will be. The spin will be the house was in foreclosure, the court date was coming up and everyone was moving out anyway. That doesn’t negate a year of unnecessary blowups, refusal to help when asked, not paying rent, habitually lying, disrespecting your parent in their own home, letting your girlfriend do the same and causing a massive scene of hateful words upon departure. Living across the street, I hear more than I want to hear. He has never left a relationship honorably, not even with family. Both of them spin tales in their blogs about their journey of enlightenment, not writing about what actually goes on day by day, the real life lessons. Yes, he acted dishonorably and won’t admit it, but she takes it to a whole new level of continued outright fabrication. If it was me? If I had done that? I’d be sorry for the hurt I’d caused. I’d own up to what I did and recognize I did it out of a place of imbalance. I’d apologize for being unconscious and acting selfishly. Now that’s a hot topic for a blog post – the truth about a difficult situation and how you really handled it. That is what teaches, that is what heals. But, since it’s not me, I don’t expect that to happen.
I’d say something like: “In my hurt, I knew no other way to react. I felt driven by anger. I know it’s not right but I am not in control when I get like that. I know I’ve brought all this down on myself. I am so ready to be free of having the past hang over my head. Forgive my lies to hide my insecurities. I’m doing the best I know how.” And then I’d write in my blog to tell my side of the story, why things went down as they did, yes even the unconscious behaviors. I’d cop to the fact that in my anger I wrote lies about people and denied their part in my life. I’d be honest and transparent and cop to my part in it, then tell what the life lessons I learned from it were. But that’s just me. I let everything stand on its own – no embellishment, no exaggeration, none, zero.
To live your life in unnecessary battle with those closest to you and then to blog about what a healer and teacher you are isn’t who you want to be. You want to be honest and open. You’re in a place of desperation right now because that’s your most practiced vibration. An email I got spurred me to write this. There is a lot of power in writing and receiving an apology, no matter how long after the fact. You don’t have to ever talk or be friends – even if it’s your own exes and children and family – you just agree to bury the hatchet. You tell your story from your unique point of view but you do not diminish your part in what really happened. You don’t say one thing and do another. You don’t lie about what you do or don’t do. If something bothers you, you’re honest and you cop to it.
You want to be a healer and teacher? Then stop weaving lie after lie to justify your behavior. Talk about real life and how you navigate the ordinary ups and downs of it, especially when it’s your day to day life with family. Habitual liars get caught in their own web. Tell the story as it really happened. Tell what insights you got from it. That’s what teaches, that’s what heals. That’s how you give a peaceful ending no matter how wild the roller coaster ride.
RELATED: Why people pass along entire conversations that never took place
Speak up to break up, this is how you stay friends
Conscious Uncouplings, Sacred Endings: Honoring each other as intentions change