The ladies man who presents himself as a guru and a soulmate

Domino has a reputation for being a ladies man who presents himself to fragile women as a guru of sorts. Note: I have never dated this man. At the time of this writing, his typical m.o. is to approach mutual female friends in a spiritual/social setting, and tell them he can heal them of their childhood trauma with his own brand of energy work.  He won’t disclose who he’s formerly trained with nor what technique he uses. He’s a handsome guy, he’s single, he can be charming and witty.  He schedules private and group sessions and the students end up being pitted against each other from behind the scenes with favoritism and outcasting due to sexual relationships he asks them to keep secret.  I know because through the last dozen years I’ve done readings for people who have been involved with him and his classes (including 2 he was “engaged” to) and heard their experience.  Each thought they were planning a future together. He  comes off like a sexual predator, and that is what he’s known for.  When I mentioned it to him once, he laughed if 0ff as being “their problem and maybe that’s what he’s here to fix.”  It’s not my job to police what anyone else is doing nor determine what their karma with anyone might be.    Their own momentum will catch up with them soon enough. I know how tempting it can be to have a handsome, engaging man in front of you spouting spiritual truths and telling you they can heal you.  The chemistry you feel means there’s a lesson to learn.  Chemistry does not necessarily mean you’re found The One.   The lesson might be: if you knew he was doing this with ten other women at the same time, all behind the scenes, saying the same words, making the same plans as soul mates for a future together, would that impact his value to you as a teacher?  If all the rest was a lie to keep you as a paying student he could have sex with, is the lesson worth the weekly tuition? Just some food for thought.

* I share these here because it is a Universal scenario. In the last 30 years I’ve counseled with hundreds of women with the same story.

Two years later he’s back on the scene and I wrote Pretend To Reconcile Just To Get Back at an Ex?  Afterward, a few exes weighed in:

How many times I heard my ex tell stories about what an insane, psycho bitch his ex-wife was, how frigid and unloving his common-law wife was, and how stupid and useless his first wife was. IT’S NEVER THE NARCISSIST’S FAULT. Did you know I’m a terrible mother who’s mentally unstable and belongs in a psychiatric institution? That’s the story he tells about ME. If you’re his next victim–don’t worry, eventually he’ll have a defaming story to tell about you, too. And when he tells it, they’ll be a tear in his eye and a sad little catch in his voice, poor dear. The moral: Learn to identify and stay away from narcissists.

sociopath textPsychopaths look just like the rest of us. If you want to try to pick them out, look for the trail of disaster that follows them. Look for the string of jobs they can’t keep (because they can’t get along with anyone, although that won’t be the reason they tell you) or the “crazy” women from past relationships (they tells you they’re crazy so you won’t believe them when they try to tell people they were abused). Look for the stories that don’t add up, or the kids they don’t support. Look for the arrogance, and the failure to ever accept responsibility for a mistake. And the lies… oh, the lies…

And finally,

from a friend.

To the soon to be Mrs. Right: Apology From the Exes

We apologize, My sisters and I.

If our misery and healing process, has caused you any distress.
He is indeed Prince Charming, each of us own a pair of sparkling, glass slippers.
We have wet them with our tears, and polished them with our pain.
We are sorry if our anger, interrupts your date night.
It is part of the process, of healing, and letting him go,
Remembering that our interrupted date nights,
Were shattered by the anger of those who went before.

We are sorry,
If we cannot tell others,
How wonderful he is.
There have been enough lies,
That’s his style, not ours.
We are sorry if our crazy,
Bi-polar, borderline, behavior,
Is destroying the best days of your life,
He singled us out,
Because of these traits,
Or drove us to them.

Something about us,
Each one of us,
Attracted him to us,
As he is attracted to you.

But surely he is healed,
We are the crazy ones,
Because he said it to you,
As he said it to us.

Our deepest apologies,
If our friends and family who love us,
Attack him, or speak badly of him,
It’s about us, not you,
And one day, you might discover,
That friends are a good thing to have.

Yes, we are sorry,
If we caused any trouble,
We sincerely hope that you are as happy with him,
As we were before he found us to be,
Inferior, unattractive, lacking,
Having outlived our usefulness.

We are not crazy,
But we once were,
But now that the virus has been neutralized,
Our healing can begin.

On your new love.
We are crazy,
Like all our sisters before us,
And I’m sure things are different for you.