Staying conscious when intentions change: How to survive changes when lovers morph into platonic friends

We make promises we mean in the moment.  “I’ll love you forever” means, “in this moment I feel such love for you that I want this feeling to last forever.”  Why don’t we say that instead?  Because we have no role models to “uncouple” in a conscious way. We’ve not learned to identify what emotion it is we are experiencing, nor yet discovered why we are feeling it.  When we take the time to learn those simple yet vital skills, our relationships with others become easier and more fluid. No, you don’t stand around talking about your emotions, but what you do is be honest and open at every stage about involvement in the relationship with each other. That way there are no surprises when it’s time to transition into another phase of being. 

If you initially talked marriage and children and you’re going through a phase where you think that’s no longer what you want with this person, that’s a change of intention that a conscious partner would make their mate aware of.  “Hi, I’ve been thinking, not sure I want to have children anytime soon. I thought I did. Now I think I don’t. Let’s have a little chat about it, see where we are on that page.” Your words will be better because they will be the truth. “I’m wanting to feel more freedom before I settle into so much responsibility. I love you and you’re my best friend so I hope we can decide together what to do. I’d love for us to remain as we are now, but take future plans off the table and see where it goes. What would you like?”  

We change our minds as we grow in consciousness.  When we change, we grow apart from some people and grow closer to others. It’s the law of attraction at work.  We hang with those we vibe with, and our vibration changes with every thought. Discord erupts when one partner has a change of heart yet does not tell the other and begins living a lie, pretending everything is ok, no changes needed.  Living the lie weighs on them, they feel oppressed, stuck, resentful.  Wanting to avoid conflict, they isolate and say nothing, but they don’t hide their disdain. Maybe the other will just leave on their own and think it’s their idea.  WTF is that all about among friends? That’s not how conscious partners behave with each other.

We choose to live the lie thinking it’s the least likely to cause a rift, but life is not about avoiding conflict.  Conflict comes to pass, it doesn’t come to stay. Conflict comes to help us hone exactly what it is we want out of life, it helps us identify what our next step is and points us toward doorways we never noticed before.  It does not have to be a conflict to bring up the fact you’ve been thinking about your life situation and other options are wanting thought-time in your mind. You’d like to know what your partner thinks about those topics as well. Their mind may have changed, too, since the last discussion on the topic.  Only by having the talk will you discover what they think today about it.  You may be surprised they are as ready as you are for things to change, but no one wants to be the first to say it.

You will also discover how your partner reacts when they’ve learned your intentions may be changing.  If you’ve spoken of future plans and she’s rearranged her entire life to make those plans come to fruition, she deserves to know the minute your intention changes so she can stop wasting that time, and begin to focus on her own self and a life elsewhere if need be. She may feel hurt either way, but the lie does the damage every time, and it’s completely avoidable. The conscious partner doesn’t hold their mate emotionally hostage by letting them live under a false impression and waste time thinking everything is fine when it’s not.

But… what if you don’t want to make waves and you don’t want anything to change right now and you really like the cooking and the sex and the laundry service and the warm bed partner.  Yes, but by not talking to her about it, you are letting her think that the two of you may still have a future together while you’re looking to be elsewhere. A conscious partner does not perpetuate a lie.

Identify what emotion it is you are experiencing, and investigate, ask yourself why you are feeling it.  You’re allowed to have thoughts and you’re allowed to come to your own conclusions and you’re allowed to change intentions. And as soon as you realize that your friend is no longer the destination you thought they’d be, you owe it to them to chat about what you are feeling and even share why you are feeling it. It is important for you to contemplate these things alone first so you can come to clear understanding before putting them into words for your partner.

That will also give you the kindest words to use to convey the truth you want to convey, with no mistake and no wrong impression.  You wanted it to last, you want them to be the One. Now your mind is focusing on things other than relationship. That helps them in their own transition process.  If they don’t know what your thoughts are on the topic, they will stay in your life longer because they will keep wanting you to answer questions to clear up the unspoken. Friends don’t do that to friends. Friends take the time for conscious uncoupling. The conscious partner seeks to make the transition amicable and harmonious. Closure is easiest when there’s been disclosure all along the way.  It’s not hard and all it takes is respect and doing unto others.

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