On Facebook I’m discovering Andrew Warnes from Australia who’s on pilgrimage walking the Camino De Santiago in Spain. I went to his page to read about his walk and learned he’s also got insightful writings. This is the first I read and can relate – yes, go into the cave to work on yourself, but emerge changed. Here’s an excerpt:
Tips of the trade for the man in his cave
- When you find yourself emotionally withdrawn, you’re likely to be in your cave—be aware that’s where you are.
- By all means, climb into your cave if you feel you need to—it’s an opportunity to think things through.
- Get out when you can. Don’t stay too long—you will get hungry!
- Don’t make fun of him while he’s in his cave, he’ll stay longer because he’ll get angry that people are fussing over him or laughing at him.
- Help him by not challenging him about how he’s feeling or telling him how to live his life—he already knows where he’s at, he just needs time to think.
- The way to help is to challenge him if he’s locked himself away for too long.
Lastly, the best tip of all! You’ve climbed into your cave, you’re aware you’re there, you’ve resolved most of your stuff and it’s time to come out. And you’re not quite ready. What do you do?
Fake it until you make it. Pump yourself, feel great, laugh, smile, do something nice for your partner (no you don’t have to apologise, after all you’ve done nothing wrong). Feel fantastic.
Andrew Warnes then asked the important question, “Is it only a ‘male thing’ though?” I know it’s good to get into the cave now and then, perhaps a few more women should adopt this practice and let go of the dramas that they lead themselves to in wondering about why the guy they’re entwined with has gone ‘quiet’. Don’t we all just love that space of total peace?
His entire note is here Climb into your Cave, my Man
Andrea responded “You’re right, it’s not only a male thing. I am all woman but astrologically I’m an Aries times 5 with planet Mars as a ruler, so I am more “masculine” than feminine in nature. I read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and recognized my personality as the “man.” The nature of my work keeps me on my own behind the scenes, so it’s easy to withdraw socially. I tend to do a lot of self reflection and you’re right about emerging from it changed or why bother? No. 4 and no. 5 were right on. We know where we’re at, we just need time to think without any fuss over what we’re doing.
I look forward to discovering more of Andrew’s writings. Aha! He has a blog at http://www.andrewwarnes.com/blog