A friend wrote to me: “I’d say my chief reason for going to church these days is out of commitment rather than hunger for God. Sure, connecting with the community is good, but it doesn’t further me. etc. I think I’ve been singing this song for several years now!” I replied: :I meant to address this when you wrote it and got caught up doing other things. I know what you mean. I go, not out of commitment but when I want camaraderie. And sometimes I want the lesson and music and don’t want fellowship, and those are the times I sneak in late and leave early to avoid interaction. I think different things “further” us in different ways. For me and probably for you, too, solo study and meditation is what most fulfills me and deepens my sense of faith and devotion and dedication.
When I interact with others, mostly it gives me new opportunities to work on the lessons of my personality: such as putting me around people who I might judge to help me get over my judgments. Like my friend M who drinks too much and my friend J who doesn’t walk her talk (oh wait, that’s friends my A, B, C, D, E, F, G also 🙂 and my friend R who complains all the time (like I’m doing now).
Going out and running into people like J, who I like in small doses, but don’t want jumping into a serious conversation I’m having with someone else on a “higher” level. I now know that is an opportunity for me to recognize I am attracting him and what he’s mirroring in me, and to consider why I would want to exclude a sincere seeker from a discussion simply because he’s not socially adept. I recognize if I keep avoiding everyone God is placing before me to teach me something, I may miss some giant lessons early on just because they aren’t borne on the wings of a messenger I prefer. And I’ve learned my best teachers are those that rub me the wrong way, for any reason. Ouch, that was a big one.
But when I want to really deepen my sense of devotion and faith, and rededicate myself to my spiritual practice, I will take myself out of my regular routine (read: rut) and do something different. Go somewhere different for church, begin attending classes and discussion groups, get involved with new people – who then draw new things out of me. They give me something new to consider and react to. They take my consciousness out of its regular routine and boost it too, as the new thoughts carve new neural pathways in my brain.
Do I learn anything new in these classes and discussion groups? Absolutely. But typically not the material being taught or discussed. I am aware that I have studied most of these things for many more years than most and might indeed “know it all” (smile). But more importantly, what I DO learn is how to interact with the other personalities around me and take the opportunities presented in each moment to overcome any remaining baggage and leftover stuff I have that remains unprocessed. And I know that to the extent I am bored or unfulfilled by my life, to that extent do I have baggage to shed. And I always have baggage to shed!