Monthly Archives: March 2014

Serious about the relationship? If you want smooth sailing, don’t expect your partner to pick up the slack

love isnt hardDid you ever consider that about 98% of your problems as a couple would disappear if you each held yourself 100% accountable for your own self 100% of the time? If you never felt irked that you always had to pick up the slack. If the only time the two of you spent together was when you simply wanted to enjoy each other’s company? Oh, what heaven.  In a reading last night, Domino had a situation I hear often.  She grew up thinking love was a struggle to make work and romance was a roller coaster ride.  So of course that is what she attracts time after time. Her call last night was that she’s tired of waiting for she and her husband to get over their problems and get on with their happy life. It’s been 3 years now and she’s having to pick up all the slack. After 3 years, I told her, that IS the relationship. Continue reading

When I’m clutter free, my life remarkably falls into order as well

adm closet for blogFor the first time in 22 years, the magazine was delivered last week and I did not do the mailing the same day.  I seriously needed some down time and am taking it this weekend.  I call it going underground, where I cut off all voicing and listening, disconnect from anyone who needs me for anything and spend a few days internally focused.  I halfway succeeded. I chatted only with the man, but I did text and answer a few emails. Mostly I stayed off the computer and did things around the house. I’m constantly streamlining my office and I cleaned out the office supply closet for the first time in a few years. I carried everything completely OUT OF THE ROOM and then only put back in what I wanted there: envelopes, labels, ink, tape, business cards, paper, file folders, binder clips, papers clips. Continue reading

What happens when you stay off Facebook for awhile?

A friend posted on Facebook the other day: What happens when you stay off Facebook for a little while?  Your FB pet draws flies, your pet’s pet runs away due to lack of food, your food burns, you get depressed and beat up by other sororities and your crops fail. LOL She was referring to several Facebook games, such as Farmville, Pet Society and Sorority Life, where you create little scenarios in virtual reality.  You plant crops, you groom pets, you join sororities.  When I first learned about all these games, my first thought was wow, what neat creative visualization tools these are!  Somewhere for people to play to feel they have some control over their lives!  But I didn’t know they made it so real that you could fail miserably. But then again, that’s life.  It is what you make of it, right?

I’m a busy worker bee but I’m the queen bee also

I keep forgetting I'm the boss

I keep forgetting I’m the boss

For the first time in 22 years, the April magazine has been delivered but I’m gonna goof off all today and work on the mailing later. If I’m supposed to meet up with you, it won’t be today and might not be this weekend.  It feels weird skipping work on magazine delivery day! That would be like calling in sick when my boss is in trial, back in my criminal defense paralegal days – just not an option! When I get stuck in worker bee mode, it can be hard to remember I’m also the queen bee and can do what I want.

Naked and Afraid

expresso lemon twist copyThis is the week I typically have a few days off between the time I send the magazine in to the printer and when I get it back.  I spent Monday in a festival of sleep, unplugged from all external input. I need a period of alone time, in the quiet, in the dark, to counter the busy-ness of final layout week.  I’ve craved coffee all week and drank decaf with a squirt of lemon each morning.  Reminds me of the expresso we’d get in Miami with a twist of lemon in it.  I am not a coffee drinker but I dig that combination if I’m going to take it medicinally. Yesterday morning I took a galpal to the eye doctor for her next day visit after cataract removal surgery. It was a breeze with very easy recovery, she said.  In her 70’s, she’s a tough old bird and a wise owl of a friend.  She knows a lot about alternative remedies. “Take calcium with magnesium and zinc,” she said, “for eye health.”  We went to lunch afterward and had giant salads with crispy catfish.  Continue reading

Be mindful when sharing photos of friends and giving credit

no-photos-please-greenI’m loving all the RennFair pics posted this week, such a good time and beautiful weather for the costumery.  I’m as vain as the next guy and generally like to see a photo of me before someone shares it with the world.  That doesn’t always happen.  The nature of my work is that when I’m out and about with friends, there are lotsa photos taken.  In a group pic, not everyone is going to be happy with the look on their face. That’s the problem with candid group shots. Another problem with candid group shots is who else appears in the photo with you in the background and do you have their permission to share it?  I’ve seen pics of group shots with friends in the background that I knew did not want to be unknowingly caught on camera, nor appear on someone else’s page.  Innocent fun can be misconstrued by those not in attendance.  The best rule of thumb? If anyone else appears in your pics, get their permission before sharing. Also, as a publisher, I give photo credit each time I use a pic someone else has taken, especially if I use it in my promotion, like here above on my blog and in the print magazine.  It’s only fair.

When you can’t carry the bullshit any longer, you’re having a breakthrough, not a breakdown

Jeff Brown

Jeff Brown

So many breakdown because they cannot carry the weight of falsity any longer. They are breaking through to a more authentic consciousness. Sadly, this is often stigmatized as a ‘breakdown,’ as though they are machines that stopped working. We need to up-frame these experiences and see them for what they are: break-throughs for inner freedom. At some point, we just can’t carry the bullshit anymore and long to be real. Jeff Brown 

Those who don’t feel this love pulling them like a river, let them sleep

sunrise orientalThose who don’t feel this love pulling them like a river, those who don’t drink dawn like a cup of spring water, or take sunset like supper, those who don’t want to change, let them sleep… This Love is beyond the study of theology, that old trickery and hypocrisy. If you want to improve your mind that way, sleep on. I’ve given up on my brain. I’ve torn the cloth to shreds and thrown it away. If you’re not completely naked, wrap your beautiful robe of words around you and sleep. ~Jellaludin Rumi

Weeding the path to maintain the vision

It's not clearly defined in the beginning

The path is never clearly defined in the beginning. You may be the only one around you who sees it right now.

This morning as I was in the yard, I found myself stooping down every few feet to uproot an acorn that had sprouted, or re-route the swedish ivy that had grown across into the walkway.  I was surprised at how quickly everything had grown since just last week.  It’s the same with my nature trails in the woods out back; if they go a month without attention, they can quickly close up, with new growth obscuring the trail. I’m often the only one around me who sees it, and that can make it hard to get back on track.  As I uprooted the oak seedlings midpath, I pondered: I know I should take this one from the center of the trail, but what about this one near the edge?  How narrow exactly IS my path and just where are the boundaries and why?  At times the path is only 14″ wide and at times 48″.  I get to decide how wide my path is.  I get to decide what to weed out in order to maintain my vision of what I want my path to look like and where I want it to take me.  I’m the one who decides how narrowly to define it, how quickly to travel it and whom to invite upon it.