Serious about the relationship? If you want smooth sailing, don’t expect your partner to pick up the slack

love isnt hardDid you ever consider that about 98% of your problems as a couple would disappear if you each held yourself 100% accountable for your own self 100% of the time? If you never felt irked that you always had to pick up the slack. If the only time the two of you spent together was when you simply wanted to enjoy each other’s company? Oh, what heaven.  In a reading last night, Domino had a situation I hear often.  She grew up thinking love was a struggle to make work and romance was a roller coaster ride.  So of course that is what she attracts time after time. Her call last night was that she’s tired of waiting for she and her husband to get over their problems and get on with their happy life. It’s been 3 years now and she’s having to pick up all the slack. After 3 years, I told her, that IS the relationship.

She’s the one who has to handle the kids all day and pick up after him. He’s off with his friends or asleep on the couch when she thinks he should be helping her. He stays away or checks out because she’s no fun. He’s not motivated to keep a job because, as he sees it, they get by fine as it is with him just working a few days here and there. Yes, he thinks it’s a fine life because he’s hanging with his friends and not home to see that his wife is run ragged picking up the slack.

He complains she no longer wants to have sex.  She doesn’t feel sexual toward a man who acts like a child, who won’t help and who she has to constantly pick up after.  Why is love so hard, she asked?  Why is love so complicated?  But she wasn’t asking the right question.

Love isn't a roller coaster ride

Love isn’t a roller coaster ride

Love isn’t hard. Love isn’t complicated. Domino grew up thinking whoever she had sexual chemistry with was her soul mate. Her relationships have always had very dramatic ups and downs, “because we’re passionate,” she said. She thought all partners argued and there was virtue in the struggle, that it was courageous to hang in there no matter what.

But the thing is, a partner who would behave like that is not a partner who respects themself or you. If you love someone, you do your best to be self sufficient so you don’t put any burden on them. They can be who they are and you can be who you are, and neither depends upon the other to fill in any blank spots.

They aren’t the banker, they aren’t the taxi, they aren’t the landlord, they aren’t the therapist. They are equal partners and each takes care of their own household and their own business and their own life. Then when they come together, it is out of the pure pleasure of spending time and enjoying each other.

boat couple copyLove isn’t hard.  Love isn’t complicated. Love can be a breeze when each partner takes 100% responsibility for themself. When that happens, it’s smooth sailing all the way.

I’m living the proof right now.

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