Many people do not want to hear or face the truth. …. Believing lies and falsehoods of your own making will only stop you from growing and developing in the way you need to, and it will take longer to come unto your own, as the true you. Felicia Banks
Monthly Archives: October 2013
Learn to speak your mind, communication is vital
One thing I always talk with new friends about is being honest in our communication. That means speaking our minds freely, not holding back out or sugar coating it or making hints instead of outright saying it. So when a friend gets angry yet they mask it and don’t tell me, that does neither of us any good. If they hint around about something and I don’t change, I clearly didn’t get their hint. That doesn’t help the relationship. How do I know to stop chewing gum if you don’t tell me it bugs you? And if you know when to walk away and don’t, that dishonors both of us.
I know the importance of words and their effect on people who hear them, so I never say what I don’t mean, even in anger. A friend told me once after an angry outburst, saying first one thing, then another: “Isn’t it clear that I don’t know what I want?” How wise to have that glimpse into self and be able to admit it.
I once asked a friend when he was going to get around to doing xxx that he’d promised months before. He’d said to remind him in 3 months, and when I did, he flew off the handle and read off a list of things I did that annoyed him and he stormed out. Things were never the same again. I don’t understand why someone would react like that. Why not just answer the question? He never answered it, he cut me off completely.
As far as not telling someone what is bothering you, I can understand wanting to avoid telling someone who responds by verbal confrontation. I believe there’s never a reason to lose your temper and go into screaming mode. The only thing you’re ever mad at anyway is someone failing to meet your expectation.
If I have a question, I ask it. If something bothers me, I say it, in the moment of it. Oh I may let something slide a time or two, but if it really bothers me, I mention it. No, you can’t eat or smoke in my car. Ok, your dog or kid can visit once. Once. Yes, I like it when you put your dishes in the sink, thank you. No vague hints, nothing left unsaid, no guesswork, no misunderstanding. Most importantly, no one’s time wasted, it’s all out front and center. When everything is discussed, nothing gets bottled up so there’s never a reason for a blow up.
A galpal last year said she delayed for two weeks telling me to please shower and use deodorant after gardening if we were going to lunch. I laughed because she’s right, I didn’t always shower and I seldom wear deodorant. No one ever mentioned it before. Yet it bothered her and she chose to endure it and not tell me it was an issue, allowing me to offend who knows who else for those two weeks? Not wanting to hurt my feelings? What I find offensive is someone who won’t speak their mind when they have something to say. Someone who thinks a topic like this would “hurt my feelings” yet letting me be offensive to everyone else is “okay.”
An ex once told his new flame we didn’t break up earlier because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. More hurtful was sticking around and pretending to be into it when we both knew it’s not a good match and we’re both ready to move on. Big time waster for everyone! We could have parted as friends but he had no prior role model for that so he had to blow up. Don’t hold someone back, cut them loose the second the feeling for them passes. I welcome it when friends call me on my stuff as they do it to honor and improve our relationship with each other.
RELATED: Why the angry act out as they do
Not saying what’s on your mind because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings is unkind and disrespectful to both of you
Why do the angry act out as they do? I get 3 answers.
When it rains, it pours. The third time I get a call with the same situation, I know I have something to learn from it. Since you’re reading this, you’re vibrating in resonance with me on some level, so it may give you insight to someone you know as well. A few clients admit to having angry outbursts at home and work, so I asked each for insight into what they experience when that happens, what compels them to say hateful and hurtful words, etc. Here is a compilation of their answers. “I am not a perfect human, in fact I am probably far from it. I admit to having a temper and losing my temper sometimes. While it is not a good thing, I must say it is a hell of a lot better then it used to be. In thinking about this, I have found that my view of my anger and the way other people have seen it are different. See, I never just blow up. It is never that all of a sudden I get angry. It takes time with me. I don’t go from calm to furious in five seconds. It takes time, and it takes a continuation. And I can tell you that most people do not see that. I realize that they don’t see that I am starting to get angry because I mask it. They don’t see my starting to get annoyed inside – I keep quiet, try to keep it calm. And sometimes this works really well. The other person involved quiets down, or moves on.” Continue reading
Filling the Gratitude Bank: How a friend has upgraded my life
Not that I’m keeping score *hehe* Well, yes, I do keep score. I have such a bad memory, that when someone does something nice for me, I don’t want to forget to be grateful for it. No, I won’t forget to thank them, but I don’t want to forget even the smallest things people do for me. I want to have reminders so I can have constant fuel for my Gratitude Bank. Here is one list:
The gift is writing fewer words, not more
Am editing, trying to reduce 2100 words to 1500. When someone says “Oh, I can write 5000 words on that!” Well, sure 5,000 words anyone can do. The gift is in reducing it to 1,500 words that keep someone’s attention riveted. Brevity and entertainment take skill. I could use a little of each.
Who Wants to Play with Me?
Today I will not take myself seriously at all. Today I will laugh at my absurdity. Today I will be silly and childlike. Today I will smile at everyone I see. Today I will be happy to know nothing and be blissfully ignorant. Today, for a moment or two, I will pretend that everyone in the world Loves each other.
When you want something, the Universe conspires for you
Make more decisions in every day about what you are wanting. Because, as you make more decisions, you alert all of the universe to you. The entire universe becomes aware that you want this thing. And every resource that you have which includes everyone and every thing in the universe begins to focus upon you relative to that desire. You don’t have to tell them — just let it be known yourself. Abraham-Hicks
Full Moon
Hanging with the beloved, the full moon rising in the east, huge and close enough to kiss. To the west that big bright star is Venus. It’s a lovefest.
Everyone is my teacher
Everyone is my teacher. Some I seek. Some I subconsciously attract. Often I learn simply by observing others. Some may be completely unaware that I’m learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude.
A helicopter just north of us, searching for something
11:15pm I dunno what’s going on but a helicopter is searching for something just north of us, he’s been at it awhile now. A prayer that what is lost, is found. A friend later said a guy a couple doors down from him got lost in the woods. A Facebook friend suggested we locked our windows and doors. I didn’t feel in jeopardy but then I didn’t feel in jeopardy when the arsonist walked through my yard just yards from me just moments before being captured.