I wrote at Father’s Day, He Can’t See His Kids that several dads I knew were tripping with children that their exes would not let them see.  At Dearest Dad, one father received this note from his daughter: Thanks, dad, for everything you did while I was little. Y’know, until last year when you decided to leave in the middle of the night like a coward and make our lives pure hell. I enjoy getting these random greetings from you on facebook every now and then when you tell me how much you love me. They’re great. But they mean nothing. And now, so do you. Happy father’s day. Hope you enjoy the rest of them alone, because I’m done celebrating you.  You’re not a coward if you chose to finally drag yourself out of hell and live. It takes courage, especially when ‘they’ refuse for the millionth time to step into that better place with you.

I wrote at Happy Father’s Day, You’re Disowned that “Some think it’s a shame when a family splits and some also know it’s often for the better.  The shame is when a good person has to leave a situation with a psychologically unbalanced and physically, emotionally abusive spouse who goes out of their way to make their partner’s life hell.  …the shame is when there’s a child involved who knows nothing of her mother’s actions, threats and behavior. The blessing is him knowing that he is not who she thinks he is.  The blessing is knowing all things happen for a reason and that we stand daily in the midst of God’s will.”

I credit my own mother with sainthood for staying with our bipolar, alcoholic and codeine addicted dad until we were on our own. She never disparaged him in front of us, nor did she even hint at the horror she was likely emotionally going thru. BIG PLUS: I grew up never wanting to drink or take pills! I also grew up wanting to shelter others from pain. Pain can be an awesome teacher if we let it be.

Offer comfort, but love others enough to let them feel their pain and find their own lesson in within it.  Sure it hurts, but this too shall pass.