A friend didn’t buy her husband’s “oh, you misunderstood” story and told him so. He shouted that she needed to stop bringing up old stuff.  Sound familiar? Old stuff? They’d never resolved ANY of it, he’d just pout until she finally dropped it. She was tired of dropping it. This was her life, too, and she didn’t want to waste another minute trying to make happen what wasn’t meant to happen. She told him he could reframe it all he wanted but he purposely lied and got caught and he was the one who kept bringing it up. If he’d stop trying to prove he wasn’t lying, they would be off the topic already.  When he was calm again, she told him he should work on his issues, like cutting people off when they call him on his stuff, resolving nothing and moving from person to person with the same behavior, ignoring the carnage. He said he didn’t like that and she reminded him it’s not about him liking anything, it’s about him making an effort to resolve his issues so he can be the man he is capable of being.  

Take note of when you’re the only one paddling

Three years ago she put her own dreams on hold to focus on their shared dream which never got off the ground. She found herself doing all the work yet he said all the right things to keep the dream alive. I asked her to picture herself in a canoe with him and see the two of them paddling down the river, then to take notice of when she became the only one paddling. Without him, this wouldn’t be her dream. She decided then to stop paddling and tell him she was done with it. If he wanted it to happen, he’d have to man up and make it happen himself.

She went back to her own dream and built her former nursery/floral business back up and it began thriving. Her kids got involved in the business and it was one big happy family again. And she had her husband to thank for blowing up at her as a wake up call that she wouldn’t be paddling that canoe in that direction if it were her choice and she certainly wasn’t paddling there on her own. She’s still waiting for him to get his act together, but she’s no longer holding herself back in the process.