Sunday is Father’s Day.  A friend of mine has two young children and an ex-wife who does everything she can to keep him from them.  This will be a somber Father’s Day for him.  He doesn’t have the funds to keep going back into court to file contempt orders to make her allow him visitation as ordered.  Attorneys fees have already depleted the savings and devastated the family financially.  His job is comes to a close in September.  His biggest concern right now, though, is he doesn’t know how he’ll get through Father’s Day this Sunday.  

Another friend is 600 miles from his daughter, but lack of funds and reliable transportation prevent him from travelling.  She’s 12, her mother continually badmouths her father, and she is as rude and hateful as only a mis-informed 12 year old can be.   He realizes that, for whatever reason, the situation is what it is; but his heart breaks every Father’s Day.

How do you get through it?  How do you deal when everything around you shouts Father’s Day all week ahead of time, and all your friends are home with their families?  You prepare mentally. A big part of being alone on Father’s Day and surviving has to do with preparation. Consider in advance the thoughts and feelings you will have and prepare an escape route from the worst of those feelings.

Plan a full day of activities.  Stay sober and off the road. Make a list of all the projects waiting to be done and tackle a few of them.  If you’re a sports fan, stock up the man cave with goodies and treats, and settle in for the 24 hours auto racing at Le Mans or a day of basketball, Pawn Stars, or the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon.  Plan a special feast for dinner, grill something yummy or watch cooking shows all day and whip up something new.

Plan ahead of time a weekend of things to do to keep your mind occupied.  Maybe spend some extra time at the gym.  If you’re going to pig out all day, start with some fresh healthy snacks: dipping fresh cut veggies into a low fat dip.  Include baby carrots, apples, celery stalks with peanut butter, maybe some pita bread cut into triangles.  If you make yourself a healthy deli tray the night before, it will be easy to grab on Sunday when you may not feel like making a sandwich.

Being prepared is half the battle.  The good news is: no matter what is happening now, when your child is 18 they can begin to experience freedom.  It can be the start of an entire new relationship with them.  Plan for that as well.  What will you be like then?  What will you look like?  What work will you be doing?  How sober will you be?  How healthy will you be?   What you do now determines those answers.  The best is yet to be.