Years ago a born again Christian friend came to me for meditation and when we began discussing metaphysical concepts, his mind blew open. He said that he was meditating and having revelations for the first time in his life. He was gaining insight from the time he spent contemplating our conversations and I witnessed his beliefs evolving and morphing. I watched the light bulbs as they went off.  What I told him is what I’d tell anyone who was newly on the path – it is good basic info, especially if you’re feeling “trapped” or imprisoned by anything or anyone. As Bo Lozoff says, “we’re all doing time” somehow. If you’re reading this, you’re undergoing some transformation in your own life so parts of this will be relevant for you. A month later I wrote to him in jail: “You said you’ve been rethinking everything you’ve ever done. You sounded resigned to it, which is good since that lowers your level of resistance, which means you’re vibrating in a more allowing and accepting place. When that happens, a better result can come about and things can fall into place quicker. Hang in there.  Plus you can practice being a yogi meditating on God all day every day you’re in there. And write! Finally, you’ve been wanting time to write!”

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One thing I always talk with new friends about is being honest in our communication.  That means speaking our minds freely, not holding back out or sugar coating it or making hints instead of outright saying it.  So when a friend gets angry yet they mask it and don’t tell me, that does neither of us any good. If they hint around about something and I don’t change, I clearly didn’t get their hint. That doesn’t help the relationship.  How do I know to stop chewing gum if you don’t tell me it bugs you? And if you know when to walk away and don’t, that dishonors both of us.

I know the importance of words and their effect on people who hear them, so I never say what I don’t mean, even in anger.  A friend told me once after an angry outburst, saying first one thing, then another: “Isn’t it clear that I don’t know what I want?” How wise to have that glimpse into self and be able to admit it.

I once asked a friend when he was going to get around to doing xxx that he’d promised months before. He’d said to remind him in 3 months, and when I did, he flew off the handle and read off a list of things I did that annoyed him and he stormed out. Things were never the same again.  I don’t understand why someone would react like that. Why not just answer the question? He never answered it, he cut me off completely.

As far as not telling someone what is bothering you, I can understand wanting to avoid telling someone who responds by verbal confrontation.   I believe there’s never a reason to lose your temper and go into screaming mode.  The only thing you’re ever mad at anyway is someone failing to meet your expectation.

If I have a question, I ask it.  If something bothers me, I say it, in the moment of it. Oh I may let something slide a time or two, but if it really bothers me, I mention it.  No, you can’t eat or smoke in my car.  Ok, your dog or kid can visit once. Once.  Yes, I like it when you put your dishes in the sink, thank you. No vague hints, nothing left unsaid, no guesswork, no misunderstanding. Most importantly, no one’s time wasted, it’s all out front and center.  When everything is discussed, nothing gets bottled up so there’s never a reason for a blow up.

A galpal last year said she delayed for two weeks telling me to please shower and use deodorant after gardening if we were going to lunch. I laughed because she’s right, I didn’t always shower and I seldom wear deodorant. No one ever mentioned it before. Yet it bothered her and she chose to endure it and not tell me it was an issue, allowing me to offend who knows who else for those two weeks? Not wanting to hurt my feelings? What I find offensive is someone who won’t speak their mind when they have something to say. Someone who thinks a topic like this would “hurt my feelings” yet letting me be offensive to everyone else is “okay.”

An ex once told his new flame we didn’t break up earlier because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.  More hurtful was sticking around and pretending to be into it when we both knew it’s not a good match and we’re both ready to move on. Big time waster for everyone!  We could have parted as friends but he had no prior role model for that so he had to blow up. Don’t hold someone back, cut them loose the second the feeling for them passes. I welcome it when friends call me on my stuff as they do it to honor and improve our relationship with each other.

RELATED:  Why the angry act out as they do
Not saying what’s on your mind because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings is unkind and disrespectful to both of you

Not that I’m keeping score *hehe* Well, yes, I do keep score.  I have such a bad memory, that when someone does something nice for me, I don’t want to forget to be grateful for it. No, I won’t forget to thank them, but I don’t want to forget even the smallest things people do for me. I want to have reminders so I can have constant fuel for my Gratitude Bank. Here is one list:

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Am editing, trying to reduce 2100 words to 1500. When someone says “Oh, I can write 5000 words on that!”  Well, sure 5,000 words anyone can do. The gift is in reducing it to 1,500 words that keep someone’s attention riveted. Brevity and entertainment take skill. I could use a little of each.

11:15pm I dunno what’s going on but a helicopter is searching for something just north of us, he’s been at it awhile now. A prayer that what is lost, is found. A friend later said a guy a couple doors down from him got lost in the woods.  A Facebook friend suggested we locked our windows and doors.  I didn’t feel in jeopardy but then I didn’t feel in jeopardy when the arsonist walked through my yard just yards from me just moments before being captured.

Her dark night taught her she can make it through on her own

A Facebook friend posted: “After her walk last night, my elderly, arthritic dog wanted out again, so I let her into the fenced backyard. It was late and dark and I was tired, and I completely forgot she was out there. All night long, I was awakened by quiet barking and couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Found her curled up in a ball on the brick pavers at 5:30 am. I’m sure she’s not speaking to me. I don’t blame her. Meanwhile, my chihuahua spent the whole night in bed with me, under her Egyptian cotton blanket – laughing it up, I’m sure. She has a competitive streak.” I commented “her dark night of the soul did her good – now she knows she can make it through on her own!”

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Yesterday I spent time clearing the seating area around the firepit, mowing the weeds and ferns that had taken over all summer, moving the chairs around, raking the ground, restacking the firewood. I let the path and seating area grow wild each spring and summer, making only a single file walk to the chair at the mouth of the firepit when I visit. As soon as the weather cools off, my yard calls me and that’s when I begin clearing the trails and opening up the circle.  I awoke about 2:30am and went outside to sit in the newly cleared area. From beneath the oak canopy I could see the full moon high overhead, its light filtering through the branches. I face my chair west so I can watch it move across the sky. At this time of night, in the stillness I can hear the distant traffic on Emerson, Malabar, I-95.  It’s been awhile since I got to sit quietly alone with no other thoughts to tend to but my own. It feels as though a cloak has dropped from me.  No one to answer to, no one needing me, me not imagining I’m needed anywhere. That’s a glorious feeling.  It’s a different life, being a recovering recluse, balancing an outer life of writing and doing psychic readings, and I’m blessed with a partner who gets it. This is the first time in years that I’ve done readings during final layout week. I reflected this morning on how surprised I was to find how easily that flowed. It’s true, the busier I am, the more I can do.  Also, the more silence I can let myself sink into, the more readily the spidey sense comes to the fore. When I’m in that flow, the magic happens.  Tomorrow night is full moon, time to release what no longer serves me.  I’m sure I’ll think of something.

Ready to be done with this hell of your own creation? Come clean, at least to yourself.  Admit to yourself when were in a bad place and hurt others.  You don’t need to get into it with anyone but offer and ask forgiveness to those you’ve wronged. Pride? Who cares? They’re never going to talk to you again anyway, this way years down the road they might.  This hell that keeps coming down on you and the ones you love? That’s simply your own past momentum catching up to you the first chance it gets. Clear up the past so it doesn’t taint what you want to create for your future. You have a chance for a real life now. Come clean and see what treasures the Universe will pour onto you. Then you can be proud of what you attract.

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Do the inner and outer work to clear up the past, so it doesn’t taint your new beginnings
You destroy the chance for your future by not clearing up your past
Come clean and see what the Universe rewards you with
Put only kindness in motion from this point forward

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A friend wrote and asked, “Do you feel it would be wise to remove our savings from the bank until all of this mess with the government is over? Hubby worried about a run on the banks if the government is not funded…your spidey sense?”  I wrote  back that I didn’t know what was going on but that I did not feel in jeopardy.  I briefly wondered if I should ask my partner what he thought, then I remembered that all that matters is what I myself believe and expect to happen. I remembered that when I really understand how I attract people, circumstances and events into my life, I don’t worry about stuff like this.  If I dwell on problems and talk about them and theorize about them with pals, that keeps me feeling vulnerable, and that keeps me attracting more to feel insecure about. We will not eradicate the problems of this planet, but we can delete them from our own experience.  We do that by taking our focus off what aggravates us and makes us feel insecure, and putting our focus on something that makes us have good feeling emotion.   Continue reading →

A busy day! Clearing the in box of administrative work, computer and phones updated, I just measured and cut 3 pieces of wood and drilled holes and fastened them to my office window frame to create a shelf for the squirrels and birds to sit and eat seeds and watch me work. I love having extra wood at home to make stuff with!  I redirected the bulb on the security lamp that shines into the west woods, so when I work at night I can watch the critter parade.  I took down the storm shutter  to open the view. I usually leave it up since it helps block the oak and pine deadfall on windy, stormy days, but the barred windows do a good job of that.

Moving up from Miami in 1983, I naturally assumed every new home would have burglar bars… I learned ours isn’t a high crime area but the bars do a good job of  keeping the branches from breaking a windowpane during a storm.  Right now there are 2 squirrels foraging on the ground outside the window, and a lone armadillo emerging from the west woods.  I pulled up about a mile of ferns on the pathway to the firepit, so they are likely getting whatever grubs and worms I exposed.  The circle of life is always evident in my yard. Right outside my office window, at eye level is a giant philodendron and right now there is a pair of cardinals in it, speaking to eat other.  They are 3 feet away from the bird bath where the doves are cooing and imbibing, I can hear their wings fluttering.  It’s a wonderland living here, working here. Someone asked the other day where’d I go for vacation. I guess I stopped thinking of my job and my life as something I’d need a vacation from. If I live in Paradise, where would I want to go?

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