I put the June Horizons Magazine online today and re-read my June article about Father’s Day.   I didn’t always get along with my dad. He was bi-polar and very strict. He could be fun and charming. He could also be mean and hateful. Daddy didn’t know how to sort out his feelings, much less discuss them. We never knew how to talk to each other. None of us did back then. Now anyone watching tv can learn the process through shows like Couples Therapy, Marriage Boot Camp and Iyanla Vanzant Fix My Life. It took several encounter (sensitive training) groups in my 20s to give me a vocabulary for what I felt emotionally, and to gain the tools to express it. These groups met with the aim of shedding our social masks and expressing our real feelings. They emphasized verbal interaction and activities that encouraged open displays of approval, criticism, affection, dislike, anger and tears. The result was that we learn to interact with others honestly, by openly expressing what we feel. This is important not just for self discovery, but for resolution when there was conflict.  When an ex recently offered an exit interview, I asked him 4 questions: Continue reading →

Domino wrote about being granted “painful freedom” after being blocked by someone on Facebook.  Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is block. I spent years trying not to trigger drama queens before I exercised my power. Friends don’t make friends walk on eggshells, period. The blocking is a holy sacred act to give them privacy to work their stuff out.  Domino said “(Blocking) can be an act of emotional violence.” It can also be in defense of emotional violence.”  My criteria is usually if it’s repetitively unkind, untrue and with agenda to change public perception, or a public display that differs from what goes on behind the scenes. Count me out. Block me, please.

 A Dash is a Dash is a Dash – Or Is It?  Lions and tigers and bears–oh my! More like hyphens and dashes and–more dashes. Oh Lord! The dash, the en dash, and the em dash. The Three Musketeers of the writing world. The Holy Trinity of the literary apocalypse. The–okay, you get it. These simple lines on paper (or a computer screen) are enough to make the staunchest writer quiver if they don’t know when to use which. No, don’t run away. It’s okay. No need to panic. This is easy. Really. Check it out: Continue reading →

Benny the Cat

Up early Easter morning for a walk around the hood in the cool air.  We’ve been getting Benny the Cat slowly used to my house and yard and he’s been over here all day.  We kept him inside a few hours so he could know how everything smells, then we pushed him out the cat door and back in.  Then in and out the front door and side door. Soon enough, he began exploring and wandering the yard, then running in and out of the woods chasing lizards and jumping at butterflies.  Almost an acre, my home in the middle and woods on either side, we lost sight of him a few times yet knew if we just wandered around singing his theme song, he’d stay close.  A friend stopped by and as we stood on the front walk talking, Benny darted up the palm tree!  As he edged himself down, I grabbed him by his scruff and brought him inside.  We showed him where the food and water was and made sure he drank water, then let him meander on back out. YinYang will get used to him soon enough, I’m sure. You can get used to almost anything.

Bryan Tilford, so much more than friend and former partner, he was a spiritual brother on the Path

It’s been a challenging week. I’ve been busy with final layout of the May magazine and it’s been a week since a beloved friend passed.  brYan Tilford’s Memorial is today at 3pm at Unity of Melbourne. So much more than just a friend and former partner, brYan was a spiritual brother on the Path. He seemed to sleep as little as I do, so we had many late night conversations. There were worldly topics we had differing opinions about, but we were in accord about matters of the soul.  brYan had a deep faith and was very passionate about it. We’d take what was going on in our daily lives and dissect them for spiritual insights and lessons. Not everyone cares to do that. It gave us a deep connection.  brYan died of a big heart, Hypertrophic heart. Ironic, huh, but that’s how he made room for us all. I’ve been missing him this week, a week I needed to stay focused on articles and editing and ads and calls and deadlines.  I took many breaks. I did a lot of gardening. Like house cleaning, gardening always helps me sort my thoughts. It gives my physical body something to do: it engages my lower, concrete mind so that my higher, abstract mind can work out what I’m feeling. I’m feeling loss, although I know there is no loss. I’m feeling grateful that one day he and I will catch up and he’ll tell me the awesome stories of what he’s been doing since last week. Sadness? Ah, this too shall pass. I know to accept all things. It was a challenging week, but it gets better each day.  brYan’s memorial is today. It hurts me to be unable to go, but the “I” of me is there no matter where my body has to be. So for now, it’s back onto the Path, one foot in front of the other, hand to the plow, life goes on.

MORE ABOUT BRYAN:  Rest in Peace, brYan Tilford
What I got when I asked brYan Tilford for a Crossing Over Song
The end of death as we know it

In June 2011, I’d asked Bryan if he had a Crossing Over song, something that could be played at a friend’s memorial service.  He did not have one, so I asked if he might write one for me. I told him I know that no matter if my body dies, that my soul will live on. That was why death did not scare me. Even in a violent death, I knew that the soul would leave the body before it became too much to bear. Like when the cheetah catches the gazelle, and the gazelle writhes and screams, its soul has long left the body, and what we see are the muscles going through automatic responses. This is what Bryan is referring to in the last paragraph. While he did this for me, I thought it appropriate to share it.

July 6, 2011 From Bryan:
this was handed to me special delivery – a gusher. not sure if it’s exactly what you were looking for, but spec delv songs i don’t argue with.
title could simply be – crossover.
i’m going from pov of griever to the one crossing over. musically i’m not hearing somber tones, but a comforting rhythm type (ie eat2live (a song he did for me)) beginning that builds to a joyous something. not sure what. yet.
the spacings are to remind me of meter and phrasings.
sorry, no gazelles 8^) extreme rough first draft. Continue reading →

brYan Tilford, bigger than life

brYan Tilford’s memorial service is scheduled for 3:00 this Saturday April 19, 2014, at Unity of Melbourne, 1745 Trimble Road , Melbourne FL 32934 phone 321-254-0313.  I am scheduled elsewhere and have connected with the family. I know if I cannot attend I am no less connected to everyone who shared in brYan’s heart. The bane of my career/path is not having time to connect in person at many important events. But the bane is also the boon as it strengthens my experience of the inner connection. Most of my conversations with brYan were about our faith, so he knows I’m there no matter where my body has to be.

Rest in Peace, brYan Tilford
What I got when I asked brYan Tilford for a Crossing Over Song

A dear friend passed Saturday (RIP Bryan Tilford) making it a contemplative weekend. We’d spoken just the night before.  Bryan could always be counted on to be awake working in the wee hours as I was, and we’d often connect and share thoughts.  I went into gardening mode, taking my pruning shears into the yard and began topping the turk’s cap. An hour later, cuttings in hand, I went to my mate’s and began creating a garden outside his dining room window.  His home gets full sun, so I also brought over a loquat for shade next year.

Continue reading →

The way you heal is by privately contacting the one you’ve wronged, taking responsibility and retracting untruths. No one heals by announcing loudly in public they’re ready to make amends, to people who’ve never heard the real story.  That’s just more posturing. You’ll know when they’re ready to be sincere because they’ll stop talking about it and they’ll just do it.

RELATED: The magic of making amends