Hey, I found your nose, it was in my business again.

I wrote two weeks ago that I got relief from my acute anxiety with the .25 Xanax (Alprazolam) I’d been prescribed.    I’m not used to meds so I’ve been doing one twice during the day and then 2-3 at night every other night or so while I’m in this stress period.   I’m also taking calcium and B vitamins with it.   It takes the anxiety away and lets  me stay asleep a solid 5 hours the nights I take it rather than the 3-4 hours I’m used to.  It also dumbs me down a little, but that may be overstimulation from the stress.  I can’t attribute it categorically to the Xanax. It makes me not care whether I eat healthy food or not, it makes me think of sugar and processed foods, things I don’t typically eat.  I don’t eat them but it makes me want them.  And while I don’t wake up with anxious or worrisome thoughts racing through my head, I also don’t wake up with creative thoughts and motivations for the day as I usually do.   Continue reading →

The end of a long and active overnight.  The good news is it’s nearly dawn and I can finally wind down and nap.  As usual, there is no bad news… only many ways to learn to be grateful for lessons I don’t yet understand.

I now have a nice long scratch on my left forearm from carrying too many palmetto fronds, but it rather balances the ding and bruise on the right shin from yesterday’s wheelbarrow fiasco. I also just watered the back tree line of turk’s cap, crepe myrtle and arborvitae. The mulberry tree is bare but the loquats are coming full on.

Yesterday I watered the back yard and the back property line of hibiscus saplings and loquat trees, and cut some palm fronds and grapevine.  I worked some on the east garden sitting area, it is now hidden from the street.  I am weaving weave a wall with the living grapevine around some cut bamboo and pine saplings, also weaving into it some palm fronds and honeysuckle vine.  I don’t want something that will topple on me when the wind blows as it does here sometimes.  Thus the weaving.    I could have done without the wheel barrow falling over on me, I’ll have a nice bruise and cut on the right shin for that one. I’d stacked it atop a wood fence panel to help flatten the panel out and it wasn’t balanced and toppled. Yay for work boots and heavy denim!

My brother found away to get his picky chihuahua to eat her dry dog food. He sets a small piece on the floor for his cockatiel Nicole and Coco will eat it all, just to keep the bird from eating it.  He says “these two have taken to trying to nudge each other out of the way as they compete for attention. But they can’t seem to stay away from each other.”  We all know folks like that, huh?

I avoid billing and bookkeeping as long as I can.  It’s not that the work is hard, it’s just not my fave thing to do.  I let it loom larger than life inside my head.  So when the deadline is approaching, what I have to do is start psyching myself up a few days ahead of time, changing my self talk from “I don’t wanna do it!” to  “It will feel good to whip thru the billing Friday and have it behind me.”  I tell myself that over and over a few times a day for days beforehand.  Every time the thought comes up that, “oh phooey I can’t have fun until after I do the billing,” I remind myself it’s just a four hour job if I stay focused.  It’s a guilt-ridden four day job if I play on Facebook at the same time.   And for now, it’s Friday and the billing and bookkeeping is done.  Everyone wins!