In my paralegal work after I stopped working for law offices, I offered a “friendly divorce,” which was an uncontested divorce which included a property settlement agreement.  In it, everyone was in agreement and everything was done in one or two drafts.  That’s a big difference from the knockdown, drag out War of the Roses some turn into.  It’s like as a society we are somehow uncomfortable with changed intentions and endings. Not knowing how to handle it, we end up shaming and blaming. When it’s time to part, we don’t realize that nothing failed, we simply completed one phase and are morphing into another.  A conscious partner can make the transition from romantic/sexual interest to non-sexual friends and allies while preserving a friendship.  It is possible to have a conscious uncoupling.   Continue reading →

Armand Della Volpe

For over 40 years, I have been working on understanding, healing and forgiving a female caretaker for what I have perceived as emotional, mental and physical abuse. I have written songs about it, seen counselors and therapists, gone to retreats, attended intensives, meditated, prayed, written letters, gone to groups, talked to friends and family members, and have even given talks and sermons about it. You name it, I have done it. Throughout the process, my understanding, healing and forgiveness have continually improved. In December of 2012, I wrote my version of a Ho’oponopono letter to her and have since felt a karmic completion of that relationship. She moved to Bali and we have not spoken since. Before leaving, she wrote me a letter stating that she too feels complete with us. Continue reading →

I had a most interesting reading last night. A friend heard that her ex recently had “a spiritual awakening” and changed his ways.  All she knows is the last time she saw him, it was a drunken public screaming match ending with her coming home to find her clothes boxed up on the driveway and the door lock changed.  She says she’ll believe he’s had a spiritual awakening when he apologizes to her and explains to her what happened. For six months she’s been wondering WTF? Now he’s suddenly this nice person to everyone else? But how “spiritual” is that and how “awake” is he if he won’t take the fundamental step to apologize to those he harmed in the past, she wanted to know. I reminded that her only job was to forgive him and not be concerned with what anyone  should or should not do. I led her through the Ho’Oponopono Hawaiian healing process.  In advising for the past 30 years, I’ve learned that many people not only do not have a vocabulary to express what they feel, they don’t even know what they feel. This frustrates them when they have a life situation they want to change, yet don’t know how to communicate it. So every break up turns into Armageddon when a simple conversation would have left everyone going their own way as friends. Continue reading →

I have to laugh at myself. Anytime I get irked that someone is talking and not walking, I remind myself I did the same. Some of us need to psych ourselves up for like 20 years first.  It’s helpful to remember it’s a process. Don’t beat yourself up for falling short. Just clean up your act now. When I get irked about anything, when I’m judging and justifying and defending, that’s evidence I’ve let myself get off balance and out of alignment. It’s part of the process. As soon as I notice, I do what it takes to get back to my Godself, then I do what it takes to stay there. That means first forgiving and making amends with everyone I’ve wronged, and keeping my karmic momentum clean. Our present relationships are only as conscious as our past partings are.  You know who someone is by how they interact with their exes, and with those who can do them no benefit. When people talk a good game and you know they don’t walk it, recall when you did the same and have some compassion.  At least they are on the topic and it’s the job of none of us to judge another, period. As always, I’m only talking to myself here. Indeed, there’s only One of Us here.

Spiritual sister  Doreen Virtue with cockateil Angel

Conflict phobia keeps several friends from speaking their mind and so they’re always stuffing emotions until they blow up. Then they cut off the ones who care and have to start all over again with new people.  They are running out of new people.  How do you handle conflict and harsh energy?  In this video–>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEdtWSXYLVs  gal Doreen Virtue “shows you how to overcome conflict-phobia and stop the unhealthy process of stuffing down and denying your feelings. Learn how to clear issues with people, in peaceful and compassionate ways.  Watch the differences between assertive, aggressive, and passive responses to stressful situations, and learn to speak up for yourself.”  Continue reading →

This happens to all the women on Facebook, I just happen to be an “A” name so I get lots of them. If someone is interested in my work, they’re IN!  If they just think I have a hot pic, I’m not in the market.  So today, the first friend request from an unknown man who has not only no mutual friends, but no friends at all and he joined FB two days ago. Handsome guy, professional photos, no personal info, at least half my age.
Hello, to what do I owe the honor of a friend request? I always ask when we have no mutual friends.
*Thanks Andrea, well your smile capture my heart so i feel we could be great friends…I see you as a good and nice person hope you dont mind ?
If you’re interested in my work, let me know how you found me
*I’m interested in getting to know and be friends and if you dont mind you can add me so we can get to know more about each other
If you’re not interested in the work, not right now.
*You mean we cant be friends? What do you do for work ?
I have enough public posts on my wall if you want to read.
*I would love to get to know you.
Not interested, thank you.

Eggshells fine as art, fragile as a caring heart

Are you walking on eggshells a lot in your intimate relationship? If so, you may be bonded to someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder traits.  Borderline Personality Disorder is a disorder whose essential features are a pattern of marked impulsivity and instability, intense fears of abandonment, anger and irritability, engaging in idealization and devaluation of others, alternating between high positive regard and great disappointment. If this rings a bell for you, take the following survey to find out whether that special someone in your life fits these disturbing traits. These questions are not meant as a definitive scientific diagnosis, just a useful guideline.   Continue reading →

You’re hurt, disbelieving, and angry. At first, you loved the way your borderline and/or narcissistic partner hung on your every word, looked at you with admiring eyes and filled that empty void within you. Their insecurity and neediness inspired your determination to be that one special person who was going to fix them for good. You felt exceptional, heroic, and valuable. Now you feel tortured and empty.  As this person’s savior, you tolerated behavior beyond what is acceptable. You’ve were certain that your partner depended on you and they would never leave. However challenging, you were committed to seeing this relationship through. But now you just can’t. Or maybe your partner left you. Or who knows, because you’ve broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count.  Continue reading →

Iyanla Vanzant  said “until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them. The moment we have a negative experience we get stuck in what was done and how it was done to us. We must learn not to take life so personally. People are not really out to get us. Let us learn to give up anger and fear by replacing those things with love.”
Not everyone has the strength to open their wounds and make peace with their past. Arrogance is usually false bravado disguising insecurity. First striving to please, they mock when the road gets bumpy, they hold grudges and burn bridges. Prayers on smoke and wind that they find strength and understanding that eases their pain.

This Table of Exercises Shows You How to Get Fit Without Any Equipment using your body weight only. Very inspiring.