I was asked, “When I’m all happy and content, how can someone come along and burst my happy bubble?” Answer: Because mindfulness is a moment by moment choice. They will be just a passing blip on the screen of your life, unless you detain them and flood them with power-giving attention. If someone irks you, that just means you’ve let your focus wander. Get your self talk back under control and your aggravation will soon drop. You’ll notice your pain is caused, not when a troublesome thought surfaces, but by your conscious choice to follow the troublesome thought. By your conscious choice to re-activate your pain by staying on the topic both in your mind and with your friends. Stop being ticked at anyone you think can steal your happiness. They don’t have that much power over you until you give them power by your repeated thoughts and words. They were just a passing blip on the screen of your life, until you detained them by giving them attention.

RELATED: How do you nip something in the bud?

I had lunch with a friend today who remarked the only time she has a good experience in a restaurant is when she is with me. Then during the entire meal, even though the food was delicious and the service impeccable, all she kept talking about was how much she hates poor service and always gets it. Often she is the only one in her group who gets her order mixed up. She also didn’t like that the table next to us was speaking (very softly) another language. I hadn’t even noticed. I had to smile at the entire situation. She really has no idea that she keeps attracting stuff to complain about because she’s always on a mission to find something wrong with where she is and who she’s with. I’ve pointed it out to her. She thinks she’s just having a conversation and making observations. Her observations are right, according to her. I told her it’s not a right or wrong thang, it’s a perception thang. It’s a matter of how you look at something. And how you look at something determines what you can expect to attract out of it. I step into a restaurant expecting a good experience, whether it’s a $3 cup of tea or a $26 sushi boat. She steps into a restaurant expecting them to mix up her (always unnecessarily complicated) order. Even while scanning the menu, she begrudges the tip she’ll be expected to leave. And the thing is, even though we had a great lunch in a stellar atmosphere, she and I had different experiences. I watched the chefs make sushi and watched the fish in the aquarium dodge around each other, playing peekaboo with us. She continued deep into her story. I surrendered into not trying to make anything be any different than it was, just to find some good stuff in the present moment and groove on that.

My 88 year old aunt is glued to the weather channels and freaked over the tropical depressions forming. She’s causing herself unnecessary panic.  Do NOT be alarmed if they forecast an active hurricane season. While that may mean a lot of storms forming, it does NOT mean they are around long or that they even make landfall. If they do, it does NOT mean they make landfall near you. If they make landfall near you, it does NOT mean it causes you or anyone you know big physical or financial loss or damage. Just remember these things are as true as anything the meteorologists say.   Continue reading →

In real life, when a friend says they are sick we say “we hope you feel better, is there anything I can do for you?” On Facebook when you say you’re sick, half of your 5000 friends will tell you you’re eating the wrong thing and the other half will tell you you’re thinking the wrong way.

Welcome To Me: “What happens when a young woman with Borderline Personality Disorder wins the lottery? In the case of Alice Klieg (Kristen Wiig), she quits her psychiatric meds and buys her own talk show. Inspired by the immortal Oprah, she broadcasts her dirty laundry as both a form of exhibitionism and a platform to share her peculiar views on everything from nutrition to relationships to neutering pets.” I watched this movie on Netflix and really enjoyed it. It can be a little slow to begin, Wiig is delightfully and purposefully awkward as a woman pursing her dream. This scenario sounds familiar… A good friend of mine always gets me heck for being narcissistic and putting everything on Facebook. He says most of my stories can be edited down to “Why I’m great and I’m right.” That’s one way to look at it. I look at it as me sharing my life lessons, and the processes I used to get from there to here. When I’m successful in dealing with a challenge, I like to take note of it and remind myself of it because it inspires me. Reminding myself of successes makes new challenges seem more manageable. I like to share with friends how I overcame something because you and I are no different. You can do what I do. Narcissistic? Maybe. If it’s not fun or interesting for you, you don’t have to read it. But something in me needs to write it and, as usual, it’s all about me.

Taking a leap

I contracted a cool new project today with a favorite editor. It was attracted in no small part by recent discussions on the topic with a friend. I love how that works: that I attract what I focus on, even during play time and casual conversation. I wrote earlier that a friend asked about writing and editing, pricing and how to get jobs. Like so much of my life, it wasn’t planned, it was just some fun something that morphed into an income stream without my having ever set it as a goal. Which is pretty funny when I think about it, since I always have ongoing lists of goals to be accomplished.  Half of them get done, the others lose priority as something even better than I could have planned emerges fully formed into my life.  If I was to follow my own advice, I’d identify and develop as many skills as I was excited about and I’d nurture an intense desire to connect with those who were attracted to what I had to offer.  And then I’d begin to dance with whatever the Universe threw at me.  I’d remember that my job is to stay happy and continually draw pleasure from whatever experience I encounter. And it’s always good to remember how to attract dollars no matter what the state of the economy.  Continue reading →

I have no pics like these of your man

It’s been fun going thru old pics from the 70’s-90s, remembering fun times and reconnecting with friends I once shared a moment with. It’s a perfect example of how the relationship karma of this month’s Venus retrograde thru Sept 6^th is playing out in my life. Seeing pics taken of former partners in past relationships had me meditate upon each one. I searched my inner archives to find any remnants of unresolved issues. I found a few. These were all good men. Mostly, we were young, we were growing and changing. We were meant to connect for part of each other’s journey but we were not each other’s final destination. For the most part, we’d already run into each other years later, had our exit interview and laughed about old times. I was reminded of two with whom I’d parted bitterly. I reflected on my part in the demise of both relationships. In each, the bottom line was that in marrying each, I’d essentially accepted a job I’d lied about my qualifications to get. It’s easy to see things in retrospect. I was brought up thinking we have to have a partner and marry them, so I kept doing that. It took me decades to discover I’m not happy in domestic life. It would be fun playing house during the infatuation periods, but I always had solitary projects going on I couldn’t wait to get back to. I learned cohabiting is not for me. I don’t share space well. I spend so much time in conversation with people for work, that on my leisure time I bask in the silence.  Continue reading →

I wrote in A FB friend picks me to bully that someone was giving me heck and playing it up for their Facebook friends. It’s funny when people you don’t even know start making up things about you. But it gave me the chance to put in writing how the “think happy thoughts” stuff works. But first, if you find yourself gossiping about or being combative with someone, you might ask yourself Why do I feel compelled to cause trouble? What in me is being triggered that I need to act like this? What is the real reason I find it hard to be considerate and generous with this person, or anyone? We all go through ego struggles. When we recognize we’re doing it as adults, we stop. So here’s what yesterday’s critic accused me of, none of which I do.

1. talk about archangels and fairies
2. run around the world and think nothing is wrong
3. pray to a crystal and expect it to heal the world
4. tell someone who is being raped to be more positive
5. say “think happy thoughts and you won’t die while jumping off a cliff”
6. say the world is all daisies and beautiful entities trying to teach you and let you grow

Continue reading →

A Facebook friend posts about all the stupid and fake people in her world who create drama and start pointless fights for attention. I joked  “they’ve got you good if they’ve got you talking about them.” She then began name calling me and saying I “consistently” belittle her.  I have never met this woman.  I’ve made maybe 5 comments thru the years on her posts, none negative. I was the only one who donated to her online request for $$ years ago. When people are stuck in their own head, don’t try to make it make sense. It has nothing to do with you. You are triggering something in them and they don’t know what else to do with how they feel. They’ll say you said and did stuff you did not so they can play- act the other side of the conversation for their audience. Don’t get irked when that happens. I consider it an honor when someone publicly uses me as the scapegoat to work out their own reflection. That tells me I’m in their life for soul growth. Knowing that, I consider it an honor and deeply bow. I bless them and take my focus off it.

NOTE: If you find yourself doing this, you might ask yourself why do I feel compelled to attack this person?  Why do I feel compelled to exaggerate and lie about any person or situation, ever?  What am I hoping to elicit from my audience? What benefit do I receive by doing it? What in me is so broken that I need to act like this? What do I expect to come back to me if I treat people like this?  Life begins once you stop the drama and drop all pretense.

Hello, thank you for the reconnection. I’ve apologized to Y and I’ll apologize to you for everything from the past. I take complete responsibility. I could have handled it better. Y and I have only briefly chatted. I like her. Her moving, etc., she could really use your guidance about options. I’m glad to be her friend. Mine is a drama free zone. Feel free to email me if you wish at horizonsmagazine@gmail.com.