I went into the post office yesterday morning wearing no makeup whatsoever. A friend remarked they barely recognized me without my signature raccoon eyes.  Me, too. I could say I’m toning it down for the summer, but actually someone has me laughing so many times a day that it gets cried off regularly, so it made sense to stop wearing  it.  My mom used to say she could tell how insecure I was feeling by how much eye makeup I had on. I particularly favored what she called the “two burn holes in a blanket” look. I’ve spent more time wiping laughter tears from my eyes and reapplying eye makeup the last couple of months than two years’ worth of raccoon eyes. That’s kinda high maintenance for me. so, for now, goodbye raccoon eyes.

Last night I made a frozen treat, blending fresh peaches, cherries, almond milk, cinnamon and cayenne, pouring into single serving bowls covered with plastic and frozen overnight.  I just finished a reading with a pastry chef client and I always want something sweet after a session with her. I like that a lot better than the residual coffee, cigarettes and beer left in the energy field after other clients… Not hating, just saying.  Different people leave a different taste in my mouth, literally.

It’s been awhile since I felt this free in my own home. I spent a year behind closed blinds, walled in with wall hangings as room dividers inside, with trees and hedges lining the outside. I felt I had to keep myself to myself, safe and secure away from… whatever my mind came up with at the time. Lately I’ve been breaking down the walls inside and out and it feels good.  For the first time in a dozen years, I have zero wall hangings up in the living room sitting area.  None. The place feels huge and expansive.  I can look right out the sliding glass door to the backyard and right out the front windows into the courtyard. I feel I no longer have anything that I need to keep a barrier between.  Not that I’d been shutting anything out, just that I’m someone who likes a lot of privacy.  Some friends are easier than others to share time and space with Some friends have such a gentle ease about them that their very presence encourages expansion. When I spend time with those friends, the walls come down and my world becomes huge and limitless.  All things seem possible. My world just became even more wonderful.

I’ve got this… little quirk.  When I am working or sleeping, I don’t like someone watching me. I’m not talking about a casual glance over at me, I mean a sustained direct looking at me if I am otherwise engaged.  My psychic training included training my nervous system to be extremely sensitive to the energy field around me.  It’s one reason I eat the foods I eat and have the meditation disciplines I have. After surprising a pal whose gaze woke me up when I crashed on his couch, I contemplated why I consider it/label it invasive or oppressive.  Then I thought, that must be what performers feel from the audience.  It IS a tangible thing that can be felt in the air.  Some people enjoy it, some not so much. Continue reading →

The best thing that ever happened to you, you never expected. The worst thing that ever happened to you, you never expected.

Sitting on the beach at sunset, chanting and watching the tide come in. Waiting for the full moon to rise, the beach almost empty, one couple here, another walking by. Lightning. A sandy scurry home to open doors to watch the light display and listen to the rain. The moon stayed hidden by the clouds, even now still hiding.  These are the moments that make life blissful. Just simply this. 

I was recalling a Byron Katie exercise that’s very effective for bringing a sense of clarity and peace:  She takes us into our thoughts of a disastrous future, you’re sick, you have lost your family, lost your money, lost everything that you believe is you. They are taking away everything as you sit on the curb with everything gone. Now close your eyes and see yourself there, your just sitting there peaceful. Even in this distorted future in your mind, sitting there on the curb, in that moment you’re OK. Now come back to right now, drop all your thoughts, notice that right now, right in this moment, you are OK.

Then: Bring toothbrush.
Now:  Bring iPad.

Don’t lament the heart that cracks open to let in the Light.  Just as in yoga where we intentionally tense the muscle so it can fully relax when we release it, sometimes there needs to be a big blowup before everything can settle into wholeness. Don’t let a match made in heaven slip away because your ego can’t handle the personality.