Barbara Nowak: “The family scapegoat serves an important purpose in a hurting family: it takes the spotlight off of the real issues and projects it all on to one individual who will do “bad” for them. If children can’t get attention for being positive, they will get it anyway they can, including being “bad.” Some get “locked into” the bad drama . . courts, drugs… violence, victimization, etc. But if the person steps out of the “bad” role, it’s amazing to watch the entire family try to squeeze him/her back into it so they don’t have to look within. Any family therapist will tell you that the scapegoat is often the “healthiest” member cuz they will tell the truth (actually, scream the truth) while others play games. Long live the Black Sheep!!”
A friend posted on Facebook a beautiful newspaper article about a recent memorial dedication service to her maternal grandfather, who passed years ago. The article, however, failed to mention her and her mother, only another brother and sister. She said she’d have loved to been there had she known about it. I commented “I won’t ask why you weren’t told, I have family that pretends I don’t exist because I don’t fit in their little world. It would be good to connect with them years down the road after they have mellowed and forgiven their own ignorance. Yeah, let me just butt in here with my own projections 🙂
I’d earlier posted “I called my brother on his way to work, at 3pm in the Honeywell Aerospace parking lot in Greenville, SC it was snowing n he was driving through snow. At 73 degrees, I was 40 degrees warmer than his 33 degrees. At midnight when he leaves, it will be 28 n snowing. He doesn’t mind driving thru it. He likes the peace n quiet of driving alone at night.”
It was a vibrational match for my 30-something nephew Jerry Jr to then post: “Studies show that serial killers prefer to operate under the cloak of darkness and the peace and tranquility of night.”
My pal Sandy wrote: “No, I think true serial killers operate at any given time – darkness or not ~”
Jerry replied: “Sandy, Go back to your white collar suburban life and dream of puppy dogs and kitty cats. The Devil is real.”
Sandy responded: “Yes, I have to fight him off every single day of my life. But, my puppies and kitties don’t protect me (though, you’re right… I do love puppies and kitties!!), but it is the armor I wear that protects me! By the way, …ouch, Jerry!”
This was all written while I was away from the computer for several hours. When I returned and read the dialogue, I wrote “JERRY! This is my bratty nephew who speaks his own mind LOL. Jerry, whatever you believe is real is real.”
My next post was: “After my dear nephew Jerry Jr made comments about the devil and serial killers on my post above, I wrote on his wall “Nephew thanks for terrorizing my peacenik, treehugger friends on my wall LOL” and he unfriended and blocked me. Kidz these dayz just can’t take a joke”.
Sandy wrote: “Being a peace-lovin’ treehugger most of my life, I always try to understand why some try to get a rise from using the dark side… mostly, because they desire a lit’l attention; to that end, our dear nephew has gotten his 15… you just gotta love ’em and give em’ a big ole’ sloppy kiss! ? They love that!!”
Jeffrey Smith commented: “I missed out on all the fun here. I was out all day hugging trees and acting all peaceful and junk. :-)”
I LOVE MY FRIENDS! And my family, even bratty nephews. I’ve met Jerry Jr. once, in maybe 2003 after I’d reconnectd with my older brother Jerry. Jerry and I don’t talk about religion, so I don’t know what his background was the 37 years we were apart, nor in what tradition he and Martha raised their family. What I do know is that Jerry is very open minded and is not easily influenced by someone else’s opinion. He wants to find out for himself and he WILL get to the bottom of it in his own way. I can see his son, Jerry, Jr. likewise has strong opinions and isn’t afraid to voice them.
It’s interesting that brother Jerry was early on dubbed the black sheep, simply because he rebelled. He saw injustice and he stood up for us kids but the patriarch had the power to banish him from the kingdom and no one dare speak his name forevermore. I’m sure this placed our father in his own particular hell for many years later, although I have long forgiven him.
So who gets to decide who’s the black sheep? I’m known as the sweet but misguided one who’s going to hell because of what I believe, and believe so publicly in Horizons Magazine. So is Jerry, Jr. the black sheep because he has different beliefs and opinions about how the world works and is doing his best in his own way to let others know wuz up?
Nah, he’s just young, he’s getting his bearings. He’s figuring it out for himself as we all have to do. I don’t need to try to convince him that if he wants to get what he wants out of life, he needs to identify something he wants and go for it.
I don’t need to try to convince him that if he looks for something good in every situation, magic will begin to unfold in his life like never before.
I don’t need to tell him about Creative Visualization and how simply daydreaming in the right way can help him achieve whatever he puts his mind to.
But, for right now, in this Now moment, what does he want? A new tattoo. Ya gotta love ’em. He’s got time. He’ll do good things. A final word from my pal Barbara Nowak:
“The family scapegoat serves an important purpose in a hurting family: it takes the spotlight off of the real issues and projects it all on to one individual who will do “bad” for them. If children can’t get attention for being positive, they will get it anyway they can, including being “bad.” Some get “locked into” the bad drama . . courts, drugs… violence, victimization, etc. But if the person steps out of the “bad” role, it’s amazing to watch the entire family try to squeeze him/her back into it so they don’t have to look within. Any family therapist will tell you that the scapegoat is often the “healthiest” member cuz they will tell the truth (actually, scream the truth) while others play games. Long live the Black Sheep!!”