I used to think I’d like to wake up one morning and all my past would be behind me, that I would automatically do and say the right things, and everyone would receive me with fresh eyes. It happens to all of us, thoughts of wishing we could leave behind the past momentum and just wake up and be different. No obligations, no burdens, no responsibilities, no consequences. Wouldn’t that be nice? But that’s not usually how it goes. How it goes is that, one by one, day by day, you start becoming aware of how you act and react with people. You start wishing you hadn’t told Debra what you really thought or had taken that extra shot before the block party last night and jumped naked in the pool with your neighbor. You start feeling embarrassed and ashamed to be around people you’ve treated unfairly in the past, and sometimes it makes you feel so guilty that you avoid being around them. Then they notice you doing that and begin staying out of your way, then you begin to feel isolated. Sound familiar? Of course it does, and not just to the 12 steppers. It’s just a stage in the process of life on the Path and we all go through it. It’s just evolution of consciousness, just the shakti moving up the chakras and the higher it goes, the more cobwebs are removed, the more Light comes in, the more awake and aware you become. Sometimes waking up to who are is a welcome change, sometimes it’s SO not.
I used to not get a lesson until the Universe whacked me on the head a few times with the cosmic 2×4. Now that I’ve learned to look for the lessons, they come a lot easier. That wasn’t always so. First I had to move through all the stages of releasing control and surrendering blindly. Funny how when I did that, I wound up with more control than I ever thought possible.
So if you want to start over, just wake up one day and decide “Today’s the day.” Each time a feeling comes up that doesn’t feel so good, bless it and forgive it and let it go. Say a little prayer that you come to understand the lesson in each situation, and ask that the pain be taken from your heart. Each time it will feel easier and soon enough it will be gone.
You can agonize over every misunderstanding and react to every word of gossip, or you can just step away and stop participating in it. You’ll likely first go through the stage where you have to tell everyone what they’re doing wrong and how to fix it, and everyone loves unsolicited advice. By this stage, you’ve likely alienated a few close friends. If they disappear, that just means you’re no longer a vibrational match to each other. It’s not about higher or lower vibrations anymore than 88.3FM is a lesser radio station than 107.9FM. It’s simply a different setting on the dial.
By now you’ve either gotten the urge to do volunteer work, leaving behind a paying job to do it, or you’ve gotten fired from a job you weren’t crazy about, but “the benefits were good.” You might have some debt, but you’re paying everyone a little something each month. You might be running into people who have very free and mobile lifestyles and for whom funds appear for worthy causes. You’ll also run into people who try to con and scam their way through the community, wolves in sheep’s clothing. It’s getting easier and easier to identify them. Also, you now realize it’s not always your job to point them out to the sheeple who don’t see what you see. It’s evolution when you begin to see, and it’s evolution when you realize that you don’t have to tell all you see.
When you want to start over, there are things you can do to make it easier. First, it helps to become familiar with the chakras and how they really affect you in every day life. You know what chakra might have some blockage as you read the list of signs of balance and imbalance for each chakra. I wrote here about How to regulate new energy coming alive when undergoing a personal transformation. Basically it’s a relaxation, breathing practice. What does breathing have to do with anything? Begin the practice and you’ll see that breathing has to do with everything.
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