Monday February 9, 2009 Countdown to Cupid: Where to find a date by Saturday That’s what the AOL headline reads.  Then it suggests you go online to a dating website and hookup with someone and hurry, you’ve only got 6 days to do it.  Now I’m all for meeting people online but I’m also all for getting to know someone new before meeting them in person or going out with them alone.  And it’s not that I’m old school, I just don’t like to waste anyone’s time.

I think you can begin to get a sense of someone by the time you’ve had about 6 hours of introductory conversation, although sometimes I’ve known within the first 10 minutes that someone was not for me.  If he says he dresses in cowboy gear, has Nascar stickers all over his truck, is a Baptist Republican and loves Bill O’Reilly, we may not need to move on to the meeting-in-person stage.  I just hate to waste anyone’s time.  And the worst time waster would be if we had great chemistry together and jumped into a quick relationship only to crash and burn a few weeks or months later because we really had nothing in common in the first place, except we wanted to rub molecules.

Last night I did two readings back to back and the focus for each was relationship.  Timely with St. Valentine’s Day approaching, and also a universal topic for psychic readings.  One thing I will never understand is why someone would want continue to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them.  There is so much more to life waiting for you if you can just move past it and put it behind you.

But some people after parting from a relationship, cling to the heartache and wonder ad nauseum what they did wrong and extend the grieving period far longer than it needs to be.  They can take the momentum of their grief and turn it into fuel for the visualization and pre-pavement of their future partner, if they would just realize that.  Just as you hear about turning your fear into excitement by changing how you perceive and react; just so you can remember with delight the chemistry you felt with your partner and the fun things you used to do together.  Do not linger on the thoughts of sadness over breaking up, just note that you are having that thought, and move on to the next thought.

The next thought might be something like, I would like my new partner to have many of the same qualities my former partner had.  Maybe you want him to have all the qualities except the fact that the new one wants to be with you.  You’d like to do a lot of the same fun things together, so vibrate your thoughts there as often as you can.  It’d be fun to have a partner who could turn you on to new ideas and activities, so you could learn some new things.

I’ve been listening to Daniel Nahmod’s Everything New and thinking that I, too, am ready to bring it on, everything new, everything different, everything true,  I am ready for my next thing to do; oh I know it’s gonna be everything new.  And so each day as I begin my meditation, I remind myself that I am open to receiving new experiences and seeing the world in a new way.  I am ready for new people and ideas to come into my life, and I am ready to have some new adventures.

I think it’s important – if you are seeking a new relationship, or an upgrade to your current relationship (like he gets a job or begins to be more attentive) –  it’s important to affirm each day, remind yourself each day that you know the Universe will send you all sorts of messages during the day, and opportunities and people.  You just need to get your body in motion and keep your eye out for them.  Constantly remember you are looking for them.

I’m no expert on relationship by any means.  I’ve been married 5 times. Then I discovered what caused wedlock and stopped doing that.  Ok, three of them died (no, not the mushrooms) and so I’m not a complete loser.  But I was in my 40’s before I recognized a pattern I’d had my whole life.  With mates and with jobs.  Two and a half to three years was the maximum, then I was on to something new. (To answer how the husbands died: car accident, liver cancer, liver cancer.)

As a partner, I am controlling, selfish and self absorbed.  My work isn’t just a job, it’s a mission fulfilling a vision I have, and the vision comes first in my life.   I don’t share time or space well.  I’ve been told that time and again in “exit” interviews with former mates.  No matter how good my intentions, no matter how infatuated I get with someone, after a short period it will be me sneaking off to work again as soon as I can get away, and then I’m cancelling dates, and then I’m hard to reach.  I recognize the pattern of my past.

And I’ve had some really good partners in the past.  In fact, I’ve not had any bad ones.  And each one was an upgrade from the one previous.  Before any exes object, I simply mean an upgrade as far as becoming more vibrationally in sync overall with each other.  I’ve had some interesting and conscious mates, and had fun and compatible partners.

I’ve had to step away from some really good men because basically if I have to support you or see you sloppy drunk on my doorstep once, I’m done, but I don’t regret those rules.  If someone doesn’t add to my experience, then it’s not an upgrade and I don’t need it.  Life is really good right now and has been for some time.  So, to the people who think they need a partner, a significant other in order to be complete, you really don’t.  Life is neither lonely nor boring when you’re on your own.  Especially when friends decide you must secretly be lonely and they try to fix you up.

A few years ago a friend decided, since she hadn’t seen me date anyone for years, that I was probably just secretly gay.  So she arranged a few lunch meetings with a third woman in tow, and then suddenly my friend would get a call and have to leave, and I’d be alone having lunch with the new woman.  The second time it happened, and I joked with her about it having happened before, she clued me in – we were being fixed up.  This wasn’t just lunch, this was a blind date.  We had a good laugh together and even plotted to tell some scathing story to our mutual pal.

So while I appreciate the well meaning gestures of all my buddies, I like the solo life.  When friends ask, “Don’t you never miss having a partner?” my honest answer is no.  I agree they can be fun and fulfilling but I don’t miss bowling when I’m not doing it and I don’t miss swimming when I’m not doing it, either.

To me, the more lonely feeling is being in a relationship with a really cool man I absolutely adore when I suddenly want to be on my own again.

Ouch.