Chemistry means we have karma to work out and this person can help us do that

I did a session with a friend last night who is disappointed in her partner. They talk about the life they are going to build together but when it comes right down to it, there’s no movement forward unless she does it on her own. He’s very good with his words but there’s no follow through. She loves him and he’s finally got a job where he can contribute, but she’s wondering what her guidance is telling her to do. “I know I should go toward what feels good, but I feel so many things,” she cries, “I can’t tell what feels good and what feels bad. When the times are good, the times are good, but I am tired of there being no follow through and no movement forward unless I do it. Help me understand what I am being guided to do.” I knew all she needed to do was to get clear on some issues and release some resistance and then she’d be able to intuit for herself what her inner guidance system was signaling her to do. 

I know her partner and while as a friend he’s not who I’d have chosen for her, I’ve also seen how she’s changed since he’s come on the scene. She’s become more creative and expanded her business into new products and accessories she creates with her children, whom she spends more time with. His job keeps him halfway across the country for months at a time and in that time she blooms like a creative madman.

She feels cheated that they have so many discussions about dreams that she is now realizing may never come true, unless she makes them come true. And if she has to do all the work, she reasons, she doesn’t need him. That breaks her heart since he’s the first man who’s made her feel alive in years and she thought they had something.

I had her remind me of why they initially got together and how it felt, and the words she used were “hopeful” and “excited about the future” and “that anything is possible and we can do it.” Then she talked about how they created one business after another, each time she being the one to begin it based upon an idea he came up with and never followed through on. Some succeeded, some failed, according to her involvement with it

It was easy to see the pattern. So often we mistake who someone is meant to be in our life. We are quick to think that physical chemistry means this is my soul mate or this is my foe. Chemistry means we’ve got some karma to work on and this person – for better or worse — can help us do that.

She had simply mistaken his purpose. He may just have been the muse needed to kick start her and make her come alive again. Maybe his purpose in her life was not to be a mate, which he was a poor one, but to be a motivator and cheerleader, which he was a great one.

Had she not prematurely decided upon the label and role of a “romantic partner,” she might have had a very different experience with him. Had she instead given him the label of “good friend and creative advisor,” she would be thanking him for motivating her on to so many projects. Yes, she thought she was doing these projects “for them” but the fact is, the projects were each as successful as SHE had time to put into them.

So she could choose to be pissed off that he wasn’t a do-er, that he really just liked coming up with ideas but didn’t care to expend much effort in actively achieving a goal. Or she could take it as an a-ha moment that she now realized something she didn’t realize before: The Universe placed him in her path to inspire her and motivate her to find new ways to express herself and find joy in the expression of it. SHE was the one who decided oh, this must be my soulmate, thus placing a mantle of responsibility upon him, one that he never agreed to and didn’t even know existed.

It’s not his fault for not being emotionally in the same place as she was, and for not having certain qualities she wants in a partner. She had simply mistaken who he was meant to be in her life.

She said she felt much better about him after considering that and felt bad for all the time she spent resenting him for not following through. She now knew that following through was never his job. She also realizes that if they were on the same wave length, he wouldn’t be clear across the country, he’d be right here with her. Everybody is right where God wants everybody to be. It’s never any other way.

I love helping friends figure things out for themselves. We’re all One but it takes a village!

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