Friday January 2, 2009
I like using AOL.  I used to say that when people would complain about it, and I never knew what they were talking about.  I found out later that’s because I mostly use AOL for email, and they were talking about the AOL browser.  While I’ll go to this page or that in the course of my daily work, I’ve never really been a websurfer.  I mostly research.  I’ll Google something or go to Wikipedia, but 99% of the time I am on AOL, I’m reading and answering emails.  And AOL lets me move between screens easily and keep several open at once while I work.

Since I’ve begun doing this blog and the new email newsletter for Horizons Magazine, I am learning what they mean about the AOL browser.  If I tried AOL to use WordPress (which is the program I type this blog into), I had to sign on again at every page change.  When my brother told me for the gazillionth time to get out of the AOL browser, I began using Internet Explorer and suddenly I saw things on pages I’d never seen before.  I just didn’t know what I missing, so I didn’t think I had access to a more expansive experience.

Then when I began editing WordPress in the Mozilla Firefox browser, suddenly all sorts of things began happening automatically.  I did not have to type each link in by hand, a box came up showing every link I always use.  That was handy and made things super fast!  That doesn’t happen in Internet Explorer.

So I guess it’s just some things get lost in translation in the AOL and IE browsers, things that Firefox has mastered.  It makes me wonder what kind of deficiencies Firefox might have that some mastermind is working right now on correcting. Well, that’s how technology evolves, right?  Always seeking to improve the mouse trap?

Some people are like that, too.  I work at being one of them.  As I am going about my day and about my life, when I notice (or brave friends point out to me) little glitches in what I am thinking or saying or believing, I want to become conscious and work on it.  I want to make sure my automatic thoughts and verbal responses match what I really believe now.  Not what I believed in the past when I got those responses ingrained in me through repetition (“I can’t afford that.  I don’t have time for that.  That is too hard for me to figure out.” I want what I do to match who I say I am.

So, just like AOL and Internet Explorer and WordPress, if I am having a failure to communicate, I need to find another browser.  I need to find another way in that gives me more freedom of expression and lets me have the more expansive experience.  And if changing thoughts and behaviors and beliefs can give me that, I am open to considering new notions.  And I always want friends and readers to give me feedback.

I also want to be able to understand clearly what someone is trying to communicate to me.  The easiest way for me to understand someone is to slow down, be quiet and listen carefully.  Really listen.  Just like someone speaking to me in Spanish.  The line I can say most accurately in Spanish is “Dígame en español pero despacio por favor” which means: “Tell me in Spanish but slowly please.”  That lets the speaker know that I want to understand him, and I may be able to understand him if he speaks in his own language, but slowly to me.  I think it’s imporant – if it is your intention to understand anyone, ever – to tell people when you need them to slow down and repeat themselves so you can comprehend.

This can apply for the car mechanic who has his own language and throws a bunch of car part names at you rapid fire, or the car salesman who does the hard sell.  Ask them to repeat themselves slowly.  Ask them  to show you.

This can apply to couples who have been together so long that they basically share physical space and not much else.  They give automatic answers to automatic questions and they likely don’t even speak the same language anymore.

This can apply to the shopper behind you in line at the cash register, with 3 kids at the end of a very aggravating day for her.  I’ll bet she feels misunderstood a lot.  I’ll bet she feels she is missing a lot in translation.  A few minutes verbal exchange with an adult can be the highlight of her day and help her feel appreciated and understood.  I often say things like, “I’ll bet you get lots of sleep.  They should be pushing that cart with you in it.   Hey supermom, how do you keep 3 kids so clean all at one time?”

Those things are important to me.  Helping people feel understood and heard, understanding what someone wants me to hear and continually upgrading my thoughts and beliefs so they are congruent with my behavior.  Basically just a periodic check of seeing if I am who I say I am.