I bought my new bed yesterday. On Saturday I decided it was time I downsized my bed. Sunday I collected the local mattress sale ads and Googled for information and recommended models. On Monday I visited all the local stores and tried out the beds to see where my price range would be. I’d decided on the Lady Englander Summerville Visco Pillowtop, with the King Koil Garnet Eurotop a close second. Tuesday I checked the King Koil price at one more store before I made my decision. I’d brought a friend along and he unknowingly made it easier for me to make my decision.
Sometimes friends try to help by offering unsolicited advice, but Wayne Wirs doesn’t do that with me in that he’s not looking for things to fix. When we’re in a conversation, we’re just in a conversation, with no agenda. He never tries to promote anything or convince me of anything. He’s been writing at his blog lately that acting enlightened makes awakening to Oneness easier. Today’s topic was to treat life like a dream and have fun with it, and that nobody loses. It’s all about losing the fear.
One thing I like about Wayne is that he speaks plainly and knows he’s a powerful mirror for personal reflection. In conversation, he can tell by my words and hesitations where some of my fears are and he knows the fewer fears we have, the more free we are to be — well, who we really are — without all the overlays that tie us down and keep us from living the fullest life possible. So when he give me words for reflection, I let them do their work.
Tuesday I asked Wayne to take a ride with me to the mattress store, not knowing if I was ready to buy my bed or not. I usually shop alone so I can stay focused, but he’s very uninvasive so it turned out to be a good idea. We went into the first store knowing I wanted to check out the King Koil Garnet model and see if their price was lower than the price a competitor gave me Monday. Wayne quickly figured out that, all things considered, it was the same price. The bed felt good, and I wanted to return to Mattress Barn and compare to the Lady Englander.
As soon as we got into Mattress Barn, that’s where the magic happened. I’d only briefly discussed the bed with Wayne in the car on the way over, so he knew what stage of the process I was in. I’d been to the store the day before, I found a bed I liked at a good price and wanted to decide between it and the King Koil. We walked into the store and I checked out the bed while Wayne walked around the big showroom. He wasn’t offering his opinion or giving me purchasing tips, he was just there, nearby but in the background. But it was his quiet presence that gave me the space and time I needed to invoke inner guidance and make my decision.
It reminds me of a study I heard about once, where it was determined that physical pain can be lessened simply by the presence of another person, even if the subject is not interacting with the person. In the study, the subject sat alone in a room with his feet in ice water. He would signal the researchers when the pain became too much to bear and he was ready to stop. The amount of time the subject was able to go without unbearable pain more than doubled with the introduction of another person at the far end of the same room. They did not speak nor make eye contact. Simply the presence of the other person was enough to make it possible for the subject to bear their pain for almost twice as long.
Afterward, I told Wayne he’d helped and he said, “What did I do?” I told him he held the space for me to make my own decision. “But I didn’t do anything.” (I knew he was playing with me, he knew what he’d done.) “You showed up and breathed.” Sometimes that’s all it takes. Just to have someone quietly in the background, knowing your intention, and helping hold the space.
They deliver the new bed Thursday. Then I can spend the day rearranging furniture and re-routing my neural pathways. My fave!