How much attention do you give it when someone begins hassling you? How do you nip something in the bud?

This is how you nip it in the bud. This is how you stop it before it has a chance to start.

This is how you nip it in the bud. This is how you stop it before it blows up

The calls this week have been an interesting mix. One friend has been receiving 5-10 hang up calls a day from an unknown caller. She has an idea it’s her ex since she’s recently begun seeing someone new, but she can’t be sure and doesn’t want to change her number. I told her to stop picking up and see if it dies down. Another has received obscene texts from a man who’s been told to not contact her. He has a rep for making inappropriate comments to women, but he’s also had several strokes this year and his brain doesn’t work as it did before. Nonetheless, my friend was outraged. I know this man so I called him to get the skinny. He acted confused and denied it. Then he texted her again. My friend was livid and asked what I suggested she do.   

When it began months before, she’d asked him to stop. When he didn’t, she asked a mutual friend to intervene. It continued. She asked another friend to intervene. It continued. She got opinions from friends as to what to do. This was the point at which she contacted me. After I called him and he texted her days afterward, I recognized a pattern immediately.

I see patterns in things quicker than most simply because in my job I hear people all day long tell me about their life. Since her situation has been ongoing and she’d already threatened him with a police report, I suggested she thereafter ignore him. Don’t respond, don’t give it any thought. Since she’s not a minor and since she’d originally given him her number voluntarily, he wasn’t doing anything illegal. If she felt physically threatened by him she could pay to obtain a restraining order. Then when he violated that by calling, she could go through a lengthy court process to prosecute for violation of the restraining order.

Or she could take herself out of the loop by dropping her attention from it. When you stopping feeding something by your continued attention to it, it fades into nothingness of its own accord. Oh, it might go on a little longer but as you train yourself away from responding to it (smile/delete when the calls and texts come in) soon enough it will be over because you’ll no longer be in the vibe of it.

How do you stay in the vibe of it?
You keep yourself in the vibe of something by talking about it. If you’re telling the obscene phone call story, you’re keeping yourself in vibrational resonance with it. Whatever you are in vibrational resonance with will determine what you keeping attracting. If you’re spending time researching the law for a loophole or in online forums dedicated to the injustice of the system to prosecute and why these acts should be against the law, you’re resonating in harmony with it and attracting more to be aggravated about. And not just more to be aggravated about on this topic, in other areas of your life as well. It’s all related.

How do you get out of the vibe of it?
You take yourself out of vibrational resonance with something – be it a bad situation or a grumpy person — by having your attention so fully focused elsewhere that they are no longer on your radar. By making yourself be unaware of anything they are doing. By not keeping up with their Facebook updates, by giving no input when friends bring up the topic. You rid yourself of the situation by being very involved in something else.

How much attention do you give it when someone’s hassling you? I’d say ask them straight out what’s the dealio. Have an exit interview – one, no going back and forth over and over — give them a chance to say what they need to say, a chance to ask you to clarify anything. Be kind and honest. That means do not be mean and snarky as though you’re doing them a favor. You’re doing yourself a favor. You’re resolving something that feels unfinished by someone you’ve interacted with.

I’d do the Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian Healing Process : SHORT VERSION:  “I forgive you and for whatever my (unknown/karmic) part in the situation, I ask forgiveness, I thank you for your part in my life and I love you.”

I’d thereafter give it no attention.  And in case you’ve already got an out of control full blown situation on your hands, you’ll be riding out Past Momentum on that one but you know what to do next time.

RELATED: Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian Healing Process
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