Wednesday, April 15, 2009. Last night I hung out all night with Jimmy Fallon. Well, in my dream anyway. In the dream, I was living back in Miami and parked in the lot of a condo complex on Brickell Avenue. We met in the elevator as I was leaving and he said he was glad he saw me, he had something to give me. We went to his condo and he began seaching through boxes and drawers looking for the item. It began a long dream segment of him saying “wait here, I think I know where it is.” I got tired of waiting so I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up several hours later and he was in his bed reading. He said he didn’t want to wake me. I reach for my keys to leave and cannot find them. He says “that’s ok” and gives me his door key. I turn my purse upside down on the living room table and finally find my car keys in a secret pocket I never knew I had and leave. When I get out on the street, I cannot find my car. I walk around and around the block looking and can’t find it. It was hard to walk, like a big weight keeping me moving slow. I have learned when that happens in a dream, I usually begin grabbing on to the side walls and pulling myself along, or else turn and walk backwards. I go back up to Jimmy’s and knock and he asks “didn’t I give you a key?” I ask if I can look from his windows down on the street to find my car. It’s nowhere to be found. We keep running into people we know, so there are lots of introductions. To one of my friends he introduces himself as another name and says “yes I know, I look just like him.” The rest of the dream is Jimmy and I driving around looking for my car. In the car, he talks about how nice it is to do just regular quiet things and not attract attention everywhere. We never do find my car but somehow that’s ok. The dream continued even after me getting up several times in the night.
That’s a familiar dream scene I used to have much more frequently. Not about Jimmy Fallon, but about trying to walk, trying to move forward, and working through much resistance to get where I am going. The feeling is not like walking against a strong wind, rather it is a climbing type feeling where the gravity is all that holds me back. The weight of my own gravity, making me have to grab onto the sides and pull myself along to keep moving forward. The dream used to happen so often that I began a series of arm exercises and visualizations, so in later dreams I would have the muscle memory of pulling myself along and being able to do it quickly and with strength.
Ok, I get the metaphor of being held back by my own self. These dreams did not always come during stressful times, or times when I was conscious of trying to “get somewhere” or “get ahead”. One thing I did learn in this dream though was that if I turned and walked backwards, I could get to where I wanted to go. I seemed to go faster if I walked facing backwards. I always take this to mean several things. First, if I am facing backwards, I can clearly see the past and that enables me to not repeat past mis-steps. It also lets me “put my back into it” to get to where I want to go.
Also, If I am walking backwards, I can tell if my attention is focused on what I am moving toward – no matter which way I appear to be facing at the time. Am I truly focused on my destination, or am I really just going through the motions of the moving, although I am really focused on something in the past? I’m the only one who knows. Only the dreamer can truly interpret their own dream.
I’m not someone who focuses on the past. Unless they are good memories or happy times. The rest of it? Well, that’s just life, isn’t it? The good, the bad, the ugly? It just is what it is, and we get over it and we get on with it. Without pointing fingers. Without blaming. Without constantly rehashing it. When I dropped all that baggage, I became light and free.
Oh, and the dream segment about finding a key in a secret pocket?
Life is good and is getting better.