Finding words to express what it feels to lose someone I’ve never lost

Our Mataji, Ma Yoga Shakti

Our Mataji, Ma Yoga Shakti

I cannot grieve when I know there is no separation.  My mother passed in 1996,  but there’s been no grief as I still feel her with me.  I know that’s how it works.  Beloved guru Ma Yoga Shakti left her body this week and passed on to the next stage of her journey. When we check out of our physical body, our work takes on a new dimension.  I was drawn to move from Miami in 1983 and have my home built just 6.9 miles from her Palm Bay ashram Yoga Shakti Mission.  She was a disciplined teacher.  She did not coddle; it was all about taking what you learn and doing practical work with it in the world.  The guru/disciple relationship is a very private, internal, subjective relationship.  It goes beyond darshan and satsang, beyond having conversations and attending events.  There is an inner connection made strong through daily meditation and internal dialogue.  You essentially practice a separation of consciousness to enable you to experience your existence apart from your physical body.  In doing so, you come to know the Universe as being responsive to your thoughts and internal dialogue.  

So right now it’s hard for me to find words to express what it feels to lose someone I have never lost.  Osho said, on the eventual passing of him as a guru and master, “Just look silently and deeply and you will find your master everywhere. The whole existence will become suffused with your master. And of course the moment a master dies, he makes the whole existence sacred for his disciples. In the stones they will touch him, in the flowers they will see his colors, in the rainbows they will see his beauty.  Even if I leave the body I will be as much available as I am right now. But the only thing to remember is – are you available to me? I am available to you, and I will remain as available forever. If you are available to me then there is no need to be afraid, then a link exists. It is a personal relationship, it is a love affair. If you are open to me, even if this body disappears, it is not going to make any difference. I will be available to you.”

Mataji remains as available to me now as she’s ever been, and as available as I am to her.

As Ram Dass said: “My guru died in ’73 and we’ve never been closer.”

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