Conscious Coupling: Having Resolved the Past is How We Stay Conscious In the Now | Andrea de Michaelis – Creating my own reality, one thought at a time

I’ve been talking to two “sisters-in-law” as we resolve legal matters involving all of us. I call them sisters-in-law but they are really current wives of former husbands. I learned early on that when my ex has a new wife, she’s not my competition, she’s my sister. Staying conscious keeps us all one big happy family. After a particularly long day, we laughed at supper over our situation, knowing that for 3 others, untangling real estate and dollars might be a nightmare, but for us it’s business as usual: “She” is “me.” Have respect. Do what I’d want done to me. Do what I want returned to me. Period. It’s how we’ve done it for 28 years. Our husbands would be proud.

That led into talk about being a conscious partner, conscious coupling and uncoupling, changing as we learn from the past and striving together for the same goal in the relationship. I’ve seen many changes. It’s a timely topic. I wrote friend and spiritual brother Armand Della Volpe: “I’ll be doing a series on conscious coupling and would love to have your input. I focused last year on how unconscious partners can be, this year it’s all about being honest and staying conscious. Having known you 20 years, I know your track record, I’ve seen you morph, mend the past and walk your talk. Plus my readers just dig your stuff.”

Talking about what skills someone needs to learn to be good at marriage, communication tops the list and that includes fighting well. “Fighting is inevitable. But there are good and bad ways to fight. When a couple is good at fighting, they defuse tension, approach things with humor, and genuinely listen to the other side, while avoiding getting nasty, personal or defensive. They also fight less often than a bad couple. A typical couple’s fights are perpetual, based on core differences, and cannot be resolved—and a skilled couple understands this and refrains from engaging in these brawls again and again.”

We don’t learn from words, we learn from track record and experience. Raising kids with exes, etc., how do YOU keep it conscious? If you want to share your own experience with conscious uncouplings, pleasant partings and conscious relationship, please email Andrea at horizonsmagazine@gmail.com