“Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting, see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk – you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.”  From My Father’s Recipe For The Man I Should Marry.   I had a habit of marrying mine during the infatuation stage and 12-36 months later I’d be like, “who are you?” Experience has taught me to enjoy the unfolding without carving plans in stone or mingling assets. A pal met her mate a week after he got on 3 years probation for a drunken incident. Probation ends in January and she’s nervous that he talks a lot about he can’t wait for the first beer with his bros. She kinda thought he’d be like “I can’t wait to get a good job so we can get on with our life together.”   She’s the one moving mountains to help him get his life back but she’s going in circles because she’s the only one rowing that canoe.  Live and learn.