Be honest when intentions change, that’s how you remain friends

Last night I spoke with a friend who’d just split from their partner, whom they’d caught lying — again.  You know, every relationship could end in a friendly, karma-free way if only each partner would be honest when their feelings and intentions change. The ones who can’t be honest usually have a hidden agenda, even if it’s just to not rock the boat while planning their next move.  Often they no longer see the other as their forever-mate, but they aren’t ready for anything to change.  They get their meals cooked, their laundry gets done and it’s free sex, or free rent.  That’s no way to live, and no way to treat someone you once held in high regard.  Let your partner know your feelings are changing even if it breaks their heart. Don’t keep mute. Transition honestly from one stage of life with them to another stage. Just because it’s a romantic end doesn’t mean it can’t be a deep friendship for life.  A big problem is too often couples are so eager to “commit” before taking time to know who their partner is. They say words they mean in the moment and plaster it all over Facebook to prove to their ex that they’ve moved on. Three months down the road their feelings may change.  That means a lot of backtracking if they’ve made promises about love and family and forever.  What they thought was their destination, no longer is. They don’t mean for feelings to change, but when it goes, it goes. Yet they can’t be honest and say that, because they know they did not know their partner well enough before declaring undying love.  When your intention begins to be showing up as honesty and love in every moment, regardless of what anyone else thinks, that’s when lifelong friendships are born and no bridges burned in the process.