A friend had anxiety in anticipation of her divorce. It took 2 years but they reached an amicable settlement in a 40+ year marriage. He’d moved on to someone new. She didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with her, but she felt heartbroken and anxious about the future. She’d never had another partner, ever. She knew she’d be fine, she was in several support groups, but she wanted help dealing with her feelings of brokenness and anxiety about the future. I reminded her that as soon as the final hearing was over, that was by no means the end to their relationship. They had three children together. They would know each other the rest of their lives. It wouldn’t always feel like this. I reminded her after the hearing was over, her mind and body would let go of a lot of unconscious stress and resistance. She’d begin forming a new outlook on her life, with new expectations and new perceptions. She’d begin to have a much broader view of her life than before. Sure, she’d still have to process her emotional pain and go through the stages of grief, but in the meantime she could do some exercises to rewire her emotional brain – her limbic system. She’d feel the same heartbreak and anxiety until she began consciously exercising new thoughts to pave over her old neural pathways. A neural pathway is a connection between parts of the brain, forged by thoughts and sustained by repeated memories.
She’d begin feeling better and having a more hopeful, optimistic outlook as she paved new neural pathways. The more we repeat something in a focused way, the more new neural pathways are formed, just as walking over tall grass for a period of time wears it down to a visible trail. You’re paving a new pathway.
When you’ve gone through something emotionally traumatic, you WANT to pave new pathways. You can harness the power of your shattered emotions as fuel to take your mind and thoughts in a new direction. When your mind and thoughts go in a new direction, your external 3-D life begins to change as well.
The brain has the ability to regenerate and renew itself through mental exercises such as meditation, solving puzzles, and creative visualization. You birth new connections through mental exercises like mindfulness meditation. Personality-wise, you also become who you think you are through repetitious thoughts and visualizations. Studies show that such activity programs your subconscious mind to create a new you.
Quantum physics experiments now prove that you can physically manifest in your life whatever you persistently think about. Your thoughts influence the dance of the atom and therefore, your thoughts create matter. We participate in creation of the reality we experience by our intentions, beliefs and expectations, by every thought we think and every word we speak.
That’s what we wanted to do with my friend. We wanted to pre-pave happy new experiences by paving new neural pathways for her. She would begin daily meditation and visualization to form new brain connections. She already had a lot of strong emotion going, so she would begin training herself to channel the emotion in a new direction.
The way she’d channel her emotions in a new direction would be to have new thoughts at the ready anytime an old or contrary thought appeared, such as:
She would expect to be delighted. She would expect to run into interesting people. She’d begin to vibe in a new place by watching romantic movies and thinking “this could happen to me. I remember what that felt like and I’ll feel that again.” She’d look at happy couples on the street or on tv and think, “this can be me, there can be someone for me. He might be closer than I think.” Other thoughts would surface and you drown them out by repeating to yourself the new thoughts, the new phrases, the replacement thoughts.
She knew it didn’t have to be a romantic partner. She knew she could be fulfilled by a deep friendship. She could watch Will & Grace and think, “This could be me. I can have fun, entertaining friends who love and support me unconditionally, and with whom I have a blast. That’s possible for me.”
She’ll do these exercises throughout each day because it is the repeated thought that carves the neural pathway. The more she repeats the visualization exercises, the quicker she forms the new neural pathway and the quicker she will begin to have a new experience.
ONE YEAR LATER UPDATE: She’s in a new profession she loves and feels very creative in with coworkers who feel like family. She’s making good money and happily focused on work altho there is a love interest on the horizon.
SOME EASY MENTAL EXERCISES TO REGENERATE THE BRAIN
The brain’s ability to renew and regenerate itself, even in old age, is called neuroplasticity. It occurs in our brains as we learn something new. You can improve the neuroplasticity of the brain by exercising it in the same way you exercise your physical body. Brain exercises you can fit into your daily life are intellectually stimulating activities, such as:
online courses
debates
video games
solving puzzles
board games like chess, checks, backgammon
Challenge your brain by doing common tasks differently.
Break a routine
do something new
drive a new way to the store
navigate a new city
brush your teeth with your left hand
learn a new language
learn to play an instrument
learn to paint, to dance, or sculpt
Physical activity pumps up brain stimulating hormones. Mow the lawn! Dance! Cardio and aerobic exercises enhance learning and memory; they also prevent and delay the loss of cognitive function. Resistance exercise helps form new nerve cells. Listen to music while exercising: Music doesn’t just motivate; it stimulates cognitive functions as you exercise.
RELATED: Meet Your Happy Brain Chemicals by Loretta Breuning, Ph.D.