A few days before the Memorial Day weekend, I felt sad and grieving for no apparent reason. That’s how my spidey sense tells me someone I know is passing.  I learned 2 days later that a dear brother had died.  He was in a lot of pain with a terminal illness, so his passing was a sweet relief.  The day after that, I learned another longtime friend was in the process of leaving her body.  Also terminal and at home with family and Hospice, she was on Day 18 of refusing food and water. Through waves of sadness, I set the prayer chain in motion and sat in meditation to connect with her in spirit, giving permission and spending some final time.  I believe one of the best things we can do for our loved ones is pray for their comfort and easy passing, knowing that once they drop their body they will re-emerge in a place of relief and no pain, of understanding and being intensely alive, supported in every sense, totally content and at peace.  Two hours later, she peacefully passed.

I’d not spoken with either of the above friends in months.  I’d given my time and attention elsewhere and fallen out of touch with my customary peeps.  I was no longer in the loop for the updates on who was doing what.  Due to the nature of my work the past dozen years, I know many who are ill or recovering, or passing and we come together to sit with them in circle, as friends do.  Although my recent projects are fun and fulfilling, I do miss being kept in the loop and spending time in circle in this way.

Ch-ch-changes.  My life is changing again.  I have a roommate after 15 years of relative monkdom.  We’re best friends right now so we’re involved in many projects together. This takes time away from other pursuits, but I go where my interest leads me.  When my attention moves from Project One to Project Two, I stop vibrating in harmony with Project One.  When I step out of that vibe, I step out of that world.

I’m also finding my balance with my changing sleep habits.  For the last 20 years, my reading practice has primarily been between the hours of 9:00pm and 2:00am.  I have sessions scheduled months in advance and when I don’t get to sleep, I have to cancel that night’s sessions.  A few nights of that makes for lots of make up work.  A few weeks of that lets me test my faith that I  can get to everyone not only by the time they need it, but by the time the mortgage is due LOL.

But that’s the thing.  Whatever I give my time and attention to is what flourishes in my life.  When my entire world is my reading session clients and those I sit in circle with, that’s where I  vibe and that’s the world I live in.  When I pour more time and attention into Horizons Magazine, that’s when it gets real fat, because that’s where I’m vibing and that’s the world I’m living in.  When I turn my attention to things at home, that’s a whole different vibe and whole other world.

None of these worlds are better or worse, none of these vibes are higher or lower.  It’s just a different place.  I’m selfish enough to do the things I want to do and enjoy doing, the things that bring me the most fulfillment.  That’s a dance for sure.  I swing between wanting to be alone in my garden and wanting to be in a giant group of friends partying to great music.  It’s always a dance, my finding my balance.  My getting to do as much as I want to do of all the things I love to do.  My choosing in each moment where I want to vibe and what world I want to step into and for how long.  Yes, it’s always a dance and I do love to dance.

Her perception upon dying
The End of Death as We Know it
Three Dreams by Willis Harman (see #3)