An email with a friend M about relationship matters. He wrote: “I know that the only way I could be (a good partner) is to be my authentic self, which means being healed of my injuries and the beliefs that influence how I am attracted to and act with people, which means going along this Divine Love path. Every way I look at it, I have to be responsible for my spiritual growth and I can’t do it for anyone else but me. I have to go forward without regard for anyone else, just for me, and one day I’ll be clear and be a good partner for my future soulmate.”  

I replied: “I know exactly what you mean, EXACTLY, I know I have hurt a lot of feelings in the past, but it would have been more hurtful to stay with someone I was ready to be apart from, than it was to leave them.  I feel tied down and trapped so easily by the expectations of partners, and I know my primary partner is this mission God has me on.  That makes it a no brainer for me, to have the time and headspace to do the work I do. And it’s hard to find someone who understands that, much less is into it or even wants to deal with it.  My male friends who are yogis and meditators are mostly solitary on purpose like me.  The main thing in our life is our daily sadhana, our spiritual practice.  For me, my biggest yoga has historically been marrying men who were not into the work and didn’t encourage or support what I did, but boy did we have chemistry *haha* Oh, how the Universe arranges these lessons for our delight.

To me, going forward with purely selfish intent is the only way to go, since that is the only thing that shows true regard for everyone else.  If Baba’s happy, everyone’s happy.  If I feel I am spiritually being nourished, everything else falls into alignment. I only spend time with people I feel energized and uplifted by. I don’t make personal time for those I feel drained by.  I have friends in both categories.  I’ve learned a quick “no, I’m not available” is the kindest and truest answer.

I used to feel it my duty to be available for every grievance everyone wanted to share with me.  That’s the razor’s edge, isn’t it?  Is it my karma to deal with every person that crosses my path, or is it an opportunity to exercise judgment and intention in choosing where I want to place my attention and vibration?  Which is it?

So I choose what feels best, what I feel most spiritually nourished by, what gives me hope and encourages my personal disciplines.  And as I go about my life doing that, every so often I may glance up from the path and see someone walking alongside me and that would likely be a more conscious and compatible candidate, since it is more likely to be their (ever increasingly) authentic self crossing paths with my (ever increasingly) authentic self.

So you’re not being selfish, I honor you for the dedication to not settle for less than what you really want.  We can have it all”