Page 12 - Horizons

https://www.marsvenus.com/john-gray-
articles here as well http://www.oprah.com/spirit/The-
Power-of-Your-Intuition
mars-venus.htm
RELATIONSHIPS -- DID HIS

RUBBER BAND BREAK?

John Gray is the author of the most well-known relationship book of all time, Men Are from Mars, Women
Are from Venus. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter
century. For more info, see www.marsvenus.com

EDITOR'S NOTE: I have found it is not a male only trait. Females have testosterone also. As an Aries times 6,
I am a very male/yang energy and display dominant testosterone personality traits. I recognize this as my
relationship pattern. Please read this entire article as relating to men and women.

QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have been together get close again. If he pulls away and she pursues him, then he
for 4 years and things have been good. In March he never gets the space he needs to miss her. After pulling away
proposed to me. We were engaged for 3 months, for some time, a man will often begin to miss her and desire
when he suddenly decided to call it off. I thought things her again. In healthy relationships, men do not pull away out
were going great and now the only thing he says to me is, "I of anger or frustration about their relationship. If your partner
don’t know what I want right now, but I know I don't want is pulling away out of anger, or is simply avoiding you, there is
this." I don't understand how you can propose to someone and likely something else going on.
then just end it. I feel lost and so defeated. We haven't talked
in a month and we don't see each other. I feel like his rubber Unfortunately, this cycle can be quite upsetting to a woman.
band pulled so far...it broke. Thank you, Elizabeth She wonders, "Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Does he still
love me?" These painful thoughts often cause women to chase
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus -- one of the their partner with demands for an explanation. "Why haven't
most powerful concepts in that book is that men are like rub- you called me?" or "What's wrong?"
ber bands. A man tends to get very close to a woman until, at
a certain point, he pulls away. This pulling away is like a rub- When a woman reacts to the rubber band by chasing, it can
ber band. Once he pulls away to the length of his rubber band, cause a man to pull away even more -- perhaps stretching
he'll spring back. until the rubber band breaks. He may feel pressured because
his partner doesn't trust him, or he may even feel that he is
This is all based on a hormonal rhythm. When a man is feeling incapable of making her happy.
confident and knows what he wants, his testosterone builds
up. The same thing happens when he begins chasing you, At other times, women convince themselves that it is "wrong"
wanting you and dating you. As he grows more confident with to contact their partner, that they must refrain from even
you, his testosterone increases. As he grows closer to you, an- talking -- and that whoever talks first loses. Of course, while
other hormone gets produced called oxytocin. Oxytocin is the they are determined not to fold, they are also waiting by the
bonding hormone. Think of that 30 seconds after an orgasm phone, checking their voice mail, checking their e-mail, or
when he is closest to you. checking that lump in bed lying beside them for signs of life.

Unfortunately oxytocin naturally lowers testosterone. This In your situation, I think his fears of intimacy caused him
drop in testosterone can cause a man to lose confidence, to leave for so long. I'm not 100% convinced you had a good
doubt everything in his life and say things like "I don't know relationship. Both of you could be right for each other. But if
what I want right now, but I don't want this." you want to get him back, look at things from his perspective.
What ways did you unknowingly turn him off?
So half of the natural rhythm in a relationship is a man acting
like a rubber band. He will get close and then he'll start to
pull away until he feels good about himself and then he will ...continued on page 13...

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