Someone I know wrote on Facebook that friends have insulted his new wife of two weeks, whom he met a month ago. I don’t know the details other than JP met her through work and Spanish is her native language, which he speaks so all is well. There were comments about her “getting a green card” and driving out of state to pick up her children whom no one knew about before. She has moved in with JP, age 40+, who lives with his parents. I wrote to him: “I take it some well meaning friends projected a hidden agenda for marrying before knowing each other? They are likely just fearful for your heart (and $$) and didn’t express themselves diplomatically.” His response was to unfriend me, as I figured it would be.
JP is a friend of some local friends I met through Facebook last year. I’ve met him once and he can be very personable. His Facebook posts show him to be quirky and moody and very open about expressing anger and frustration. Especially when a Facebook friend makes a comment that he takes as a personal diss. JP is fast to unfriend on Facebook, he does it often and takes pride in it. His moods never seem to last for long, though, and afterwards he’ll delete those posts and all is forgotten. Usually over a beer.
I just saw a Facebook post by the friend I met JP through: “OK, this is interesting. I’m only getting 1/2 of this conversation. JP unfriended me today. He also blocked me so that I can NEVER see him on FB EVER. So now, when he hijacks threads, all I get is the other side of the conversation. Fun.” So I guess that explains one of whom he felt insulted by.
JP loves to go on Facebook to friends’ walls, and make comments that change the topic of the conversation, the “threads”. Sometimes it can be cute but most often it’s just that he feels left out when friends are having meaningful conversation that gets a little too deep for him. Personally, I’d feel honored if my guru or mentor insulted me. It would give me cause for reflection. But instead it pissed him off so much he blocked her entirely.
The people we vibrate in harmony with are the people that are in our lives every day. If someone is in my face in an unpleasant way, I know I have something to look at and work out with them. I can cut them off, but if I do that I will just come across someone else to work out the same issue with later.
My policy is to look at everything as it comes up, and work it out in the Now rather than wasting time doing it later with someone else. It will also happen with your very good friends later on. You’ll be lied to and betrayed by those you hold the closest and dearest – unless you’ve cleaned up your act in younger years.
As you get older, the momentum of your past deeds comes at you faster. To control what comes your way, it’s the easiest to work things out as they come up. And they’ll come up the most with your nearest and dearest. If you’re someone who is quick to dump friends who don’t meet your expectations, you were not their real friend anyway.
So now he’s not only separating himself from those who cared about him and could offer him a voice of reason (not me, his other friends), but he’s lying about them as well. He had to concoct a story and cut them off before the new wife heard through the grapevine what he was up to. In two months’ time, he’ll lament that he was so hasty under the circumstances. The Universe never gives us more than we can handle. If deleting friends who offer advice, and lying about them to cover his own indiscretions is his way of managing his life and making it move at a pace he is comfortable with, so be it.
There’s a reason for everything. Maybe the Universe just wanted him to get the heck off Facebook and begin dealing with his real life for a change.
If he asked, what would your advice to him be?