Kirstie Alley 2000

Last night I watched an episode of Veronica’s Closet starring long time fave actor, Kirstie Alley.  In the episode, Veronica (Kirstie)  bumps into old flame Tom (Jon Schneider,) realizes she regrets dumping him and wants to rekindle old times.  Tom finds out Ronnie is in the market for new bookshelves so, rather than have her buy them from a catalogue, asks if he could build her a set. Veronica agrees, then invites him to spend the night for dinner and wild sex.  The next morning, he serves her a heart shaped pancake for breakfast and leaves her with an invoice for $10,000 for the bookshelves.  “Isn’t this a mistake?” she asks, handing the bill back to him.  He looks at it, says, “Yes, that should be 2000.  Silly me, I keep writing 1999” then hands it back to her and leaves.

Dumfounded, she asks her sidekick Kathy Najimy (another longtime fave!) her opinion.  Tom has told Ronnie to pay him what she thinks the job is worth.  She thinks the job is worth about$2500.  Kathy is a wise one.  She knows the dollar value on the invoice isn’t just about bookshelves.  It’s about what Ronnie thought of Tom’s prowess as a lover.

“Was he a good kisser?” she asks Ronnie.   “Oh, yes,” she answers.
“That’s important,” Kathy says, as she uses a calculator to add $300 to the $2,500 amount Ronnie first offered.

“Was he thoughtful and attentive and considerate as a partner?”  “Yes, yes” Ronnie answers, why he even cooked her breakfast.  Kathy adds another amount into the calculator.

“Did he…?” she asks.
“Well, I thought he was going to, but he was reaching for his sock at the foot of the bed.”  “You just saved yourself a fortune,” Kathy says, and adds up the total.

Veronica writes the check for a fair amount, then invites Tom over to pick up his check and spend another night having dinner and wild sex.   The next morning, Tom walks into the kitchen to make coffee and Ronnie wanders into the room afterward, dazed and grinning from ear to ear.  She opens the envelope with Tom’s check in it, stuffs it full of cash, takes off her diamond earrings and stuffs them into the envelope, then takes off her big diamond ring and stuffs it into the envelope, too, smiling ear to ear.  So I guess that answers that.

Which brings me to the matter of a friend last week offered to build me some bookshelves for my office.  We even went so far as to measure and take inventory of the supplies and tools I have on hand (everything we need.)  I’m thinking decide on a price ahead of time and don’t invite him for dinner.