I got some news last night that, even though I’d been prepared for it, made my body go violently ill for hours.  I knew it was a stress reaction, although it felt like a combination migraine and hot flash and stomach flu and seizure.  Even in the midst of it, I knew it was a stress reaction.  It’s been years since I’ve had that much stress then had it released.   My lifestyle the past 20 years is fairly chill and stress free. I find most stress comes, not from traumatic events, but from waiting to hear an outcome, waiting for a final decision.  

When I worked for criminal defense attorneys, the hardest part for the family was waiting for the sentencing.  They could imagine all sorts of what if scenarios, but for many families, until sentencing, everything is on hold until they knew what part the defendant/our client is going to be able to play in it.  Will he be in their daily lives?  Will he be able to work?  Who will drive if he can’t?  Who will make sure he gets to his court appointed meetings and probations, and community service etc. if he is not driving? And during incarceration, are funds available for phone calls and commissary items? Is visitation permitted and geographically feasible? So that was the busywork I’d give our clients while they were awaiting their loved one’s sentencing.  Figure that stuff out ahead of time, I told them, then when sentencing comes down, you’re emotionally prepared for what follows.  Because what would follow would always be a giant relief, kind of what I felt in 1976 when I learned my brother Bobby died.  My first thought was, “thank you, God, I no longer have to worry every day whether he’s ok.”  Once the waiting is over, once the unknowing is over, then it’s just a matter of doing your time or fulfilling the remaining terms of a contract or whatever to tie up loose ends.  But the giant tension is gone.  You can relax into a knowing that the Universe will work out all the details, you just need to stay focused on wanting a positive outcome and stay out of your own way.  Me, too, like right now.  I can get out of my own way now, trying to control a situation I have no control over except through prayer and holding the higher vision.