Don’t let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy

Surprise, Bob Hope had affairs outside the marriage. Humans are not monogamous by nature.  He can be responsible in all other areas of his life yet feel at the mercy of his hormones when it comes to sex. He can be completely stupid in the face of evidence he may lose his entire family and lifestyle over it. Don’t take advantage of that. If he’s a good man and you love him, his relationship with anyone else does not have to affect his relationship with you. The only place it can do that is in your mind and you are the one in charge of how you allow yourself to think about it. It’s not about broken promises and whether you have good reason to be mad and whether you’re justified. We commit too quickly without weighing consequences.  No, it’s about do you love this person and want to continue to be in a relationship with them, knowing this may be an ongoing pattern? That’s all this is about. Everything else is just a thought in your head, and you are the one who can control those.  

I know that just because my partner can be tempted doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me and that I can’t have a happy life with him. It’s not what he is doing that causes the problem, it is my reaction to what I think about what he is doing that causes the argument.

If you’ve pledged to be monogamous with each other and feel a trust has been broken, simply leave if you feel you must. There is no need to argue and place blame. We commit too quickly without weighing consequences. Move on. But know that intentions change, and we can live happier lives when we allow wiggle room for that.

Don’t fault an otherwise good partner simply because his vibes attracted someone to adore him, even if for just a few hours, and he acted on it. Feel that he has jeopardized you with possible STDs? New routine: use a condom. Both get a check up. No biggie. Don’t make more of it than it needs to be. Don’t jeopardize your own happy life by making it an issue or an ongoing topic of conversation. Don’t ask him to commit to it never happening again.

Never be with a man who disrespects you or cannot be honest with you, but don’t let infidelity be an automatic deal breaker.