Think twice before taking on the karma of giving people what they tell you they want

He told her he’d never been treated well at home, so she treated him well.  He told her he’d worked like a dog for 20 years with nothing but scorn and demands from an ungrateful family, so she made him the king.  He said no one ever understood him, so she made a point to listen and make him feel understood.  He said he had no  real friends, no one to encourage and emotionally support him, so she made it her job.  If these were his only barriers, she wanted to remove them so he could get on with his happy life. He said it was all he ever wanted.  A place to stand still for a moment in a supportive environment, and have nothing to focus upon other than “who am I?” and “what do I want?” What he learned from her changed his perception of the world as he knew it forevermore. Not everyone is ready to hear the answers to those answers.

He said in his family, no one communicated except through anger, blame, manipulation, argument and moodiness. So he never learned the skills nor vocabulary to let her know what he was going through. Familiar with the transformation, she tried to school him. He took it personally and closed up. He felt smothered.  She felt oppressed. Talking was out of the question.  Months later, tensions ease and  he admitted to feeling hurt, saying things he didn’t mean.  Life those months drained the spark from each of them.  For all their talk about staying positive, the walls were up.  She released the dream, gave up all expectation and began taking it moment by moment.  The less attention they gave each other, the better they got along.  They began to really get to know each other, their true selves. She listened, no longer tried to fix. He withdrew all emotional interest. This left her without a best friend. But she’s used to that. She’s a martyr, thinks it’s her karma to walk alone. She goes back into her dream world. He goes back into his. She’s happy.  He seems happy; if he’s tripping, he has better coping skills now and he’ll figure it out.

Her lesson is familiar. Let people discover for themselves what it is they want, and allow them to go after it on their own, without being held up by her efforts alone. That means while they have a day job or two, while they deal with family stuff, while everything else is going on in their world and while they think there is no money to do any of it with.  Some need that pressure cooker.  It can be a real wake up call when you take away what they tell you their obstacles are, and it turns out they still can’t be who they want to be.  And be prepared.  They WILL shoot the messenger.  Consider it an honor, as each shot tears the heart open even wider.  As it widens, take care who you let fall into it.  Be prayed up and meditated up so you are able to easily bob back up to the surface under the extra weight of it all.

But is it worth it?  Oh yes. Yes.

Never doubt you have the power to change someone’s life