The purpose of this post is to show that once our eyes are opened, we can make better informed decisions about how to get the most joy out of our life. That doesn’t mean look for trouble. It means if you’re less than satisfied, looks for signs to improve. I wrote at I Thought This Was Over that I’d been deceived by an ex living a secret life, and I got many responses from women with the universal story of living with men who had other lives on the side they knew nothing about. Here are two of them that pretty much represent 80% of the stories I got.
“I just wanted to share something with you about my husband XX. We had been together for 4 years at the time this happened. I got a call out of the blue from this woman asking if we were together and I said yes, why do you ask. She said they had been seeing each other for 6 months. She went on to tell me things that no one would know unless they were sleeping with him. Then she put pictures of him and her on the internet with his new car that he had had for only 3 months.
She let me hear their conversations over the phone. I was shocked she said that he told her that we only together for 6 months and that he kicked me out and other bad things about me. I was shaking because it was a shock, I never saw it coming and he was living in my home with me. He denied everything and to this day will not admit it. I gave that one to him but could not forget. I told him I did not want to keep him prisoner if he wanted to be with her please do just be honest with me.
That pressure is off of me now, I will not allow my heart to be broken again and I am protected from that and I have a peace about it. I will be with him for as long as it is meant for me to, but I will never let him break my heart again. To this day, he still denies it and that is why I have felt I can never really trust him.”
“XX told me all about his scary, crazy ex-wives. One was a whiny, spoiled brat. Another was a psycho who talked to pictures/paintings. They were all money-grubbing bitches. Imagine my shock and surprise when I found out he had a child by the whiny, spoiled brat. A child he hadn’t seen nor spoke with nor supported since she was a toddler.
Imagine my shock and surprise when I found out the psycho who talked to pictures/paintings (also money-grubber) was beat up by him and during the divorce process, sued for her wedding rings. Imagine my shock and surprise when I found out about a wife he never, ever mentioned who had HIM Baker-acted. So XX taught me to take spousal gossip from exes with a grain of salt.”
So how do we know who to trust? We don’t. All we can do is build ourselves such a fulfilling and happy life that it doesn’t matter if any one particular partner is in it or not. Let your joy be the one constant factor in your life. That will ensure a steady stream of joyful others to flow to you.