I wrote last year at Millionaire Matchmaker ~ On Mating, Matching and Pairbonding my thoughts on the show. Now I see there’s a new season and I watched an episode last night. The first thing I notice is that Matchmaker Patti Stanger has either slimmed down since last season, or is wearing less frumpy outfits. BravoTV has her promo photo wearing a short, tightish dress and she looks good and her legs look great. Great choice of image! She’d look younger without the tan and frosted shadow and gloss, but she goes for that ethnic look. The show is edited to highlight Patti’s abrupt way with people: she verbally cuts them off and cuts to the chase. There are ways to do that and be diplomatic and gracious, but Patti often seems to delight in being rude and disrespectful. Granted, 90% of the people she seems to work with are posers, but that’s the territory, it’s Los Angeles.
Historically, rich men have never had a problem finding beautiful women, and vice versa. The show is an entertaining watch and I’m sure the millionaires and the beautiful women all are eager for their 15 minutes of fame on national tv. In Patty’s defense, she is dealing with lotsa gold diggers that she has to train into some semblance of how to not appear to be a gold digger, at least not during the first meetings. With the millionaires, there are a lot of ego driven, narcissistic men that Patti wastes no time in cutting down to size. She’s got that sarcastic, caustic Jersey Shore, I’m a tough chick kind of personality and she speaks her mind. Often she brings in a life coach and does a makeover. Some of the guys are definitely more refined by the time they get to the date, because Patti has some good advice.
The problem, of course, is that neither party is being themselves on the first date, although some are – to their detriment. I always think a first date is to see if there’s enough chemistry or interest to schedule a second. I believe in keeping it casual the first few times you hang out, talk to each other about real things happening in your life – more about your hopes and ambitions, than about your past and your exes.
I think when men, as Patti suggests, do pull wildly romantic stunts on first dates, of course it’s going to sweep some chicks off their feet and help the man gain an emotional advantage. If that’s all you’re going for, go for it. But don’t set a precedent you’re not going to keep up with. You don’t really need to get a first date’s attention with hundreds of roses and a helicopter ride. How do you know thereafter if she likes you for who you are, rather than what you can provide for her?
I had a boss, circa 1971, who loved to tell a joke to all the sassy new young secretaries that he liked to cut down to size. I paraphrase, but you’ll get the drift: A man takes his first trip out to Las Vegas, it’s his first trip anywhere out of his hometown. It’s also his first flight. he’s got a window seat, a pretty flight attendant is serving his lunch and drinks, “There’s sure nothing like this in Hoboken,” he thinks.
He gets into Las Vegas and asks the cabby to take a drive down the strip and take him to a casino. “There’s nothing like this in Hoboken.” he says. He gambles all night, he wins lots of money, he’s got girls hanging all over him. “There’s sure nothing like this in Hoboken.” He choses the best looking girl, they go drinking and dancing and end up at his hotel room. She’s beautiful. “There’s nothing like this in Hoboken,” he says. The entire trip has been a surprise and delight, so many new experiences. He can hardly wait for what’s to come. She undresses. The lights go out. “Ah,” he says, “just like Hoboken.”
While I agree it’s wise to put your best foot forward during your initial meetings, make sure it is still the real you. Guys, don’t give an inventory of what you own. That just ensures you will never know if she’d like you without that being dangled as bait. One male friend tells me, “I don’t care, as long as I feel it’s a fair trade off.” That’s fair enough. Women, don’t give a sob story of how you’re barely paying your bills. Savvy men don’t fall for that wounded bird take me under your wing please storyline. You’re worth more than that. Your partner is worth having more than that.
Be real from the beginning and let that take you where it will. If I were to go on a “first date” with someone, I would allow myself to be In The Moment with them, learning what their interests are, sharing mine, and if I felt a connection I would let them know it. That doesn’t mean they are my future husband, but it means I feel a connection and would like to explore it. And if I feel it and they don’t, or vice versa? Oh, well. I don’t take things like that personally. Rejection is protection.
So, Millionaire Matchmaker, it’s a show I’ll watch. Although I’d really like to see Patti soften up a little although, having said that, I realize that’s her schtick, that’s is part of her draw, kind of like the simon Cowell personality. And if I find her personality (maybe edited to seem) abrasive, I’m sure they won’t mind. I’m not their target audience. I don’t buy their products. I like Bravo TV and watch many of their shows. They are smart; they know who the consumers are and they target their audience.
So if I don’t like something, that’s ok. They don’t mind. We both know it’s my problem. It always is.
In case the FTC is wondering, I am not endorsing anyone.
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