A friend writes that she can’t rid herself of obsessively being angry at her ex, who left her 3 years ago.  She sees him as a bully and since they share custody of the kids, she has to listen to his every criticism and attempt to control her with money and the children’s feelings.  “I’m fighting with him in my head every day.  I have no strength left.” My short answer is to schedule at least one joint counseling session with a licensed professional. In the meantime, if he’s a bully, recognize that he’s got some type of mental disorder which makes him act like that. He thinks he’s doing the best thing.  If he treats you hatefully, for some reason he has judgments against you and blames you for something. Whether they are real or not does not matter, how you live your life now will show him who you are.  Consider whether you want to modify behavior. Stop fighting back. Not everything he says requires a response. Let him have the last word. Release that resistance. Trust that it will all work out better than you could have imagined.  Apologize to him, forgive him. Some replacement thoughts when the anger comes up might be: Remind yourself that he loves your children and wants the best for them. He is a good father and a good provider. You have different opinions about how the children and money should be managed. Consider just letting go and doing it his way for awhile, just to float downstream and catch your breath for a moment. Give your mind and body a brief vacation from the stress.

Repetitive thoughts are like a worn path that is easy to travel. If you lived in a house near the woods and took a walk each morning, initially you’d take the most open path, with the fewest overhanging branches and weeds. Maybe you’d follow a deer trail. After a while, walking that path every day would create a larger path, even easier to walk. If you decided you wanted to take a different path, it would be more difficult, you’d have branches to move, maybe logs to walk over, thorny weeds, stickers. You can do it but it is easier to walk the existing worn path. We create the same sort of ‘thought paths’ in our minds, for good and for bad. When we decide a thought path does not serve us, we have to clear a little brush to walk another path. It is only difficult at first. The second time is easier than the first and by the 10th you cannot even recall how difficult it was the first time. Know that you can change your thoughts. You have control. You think them, they do not think you. I would not label repetitive thoughts with a label that gives them more power than they deserve. There is no one who cannot change their thought paths with some effort. The more power given to labels, the harder it is to believe in your ability and to find the hope that you can do it. You can do it. Everyone can.

And don’t beat yourself up for repetitive thoughts. Law of attraction is just bringing you more of what you have been thinking about. It is working perfectly. You cannot STOP thinking about something by trying to stop thinking about it because when you try to stop thinking about the thing you don’t want to think about you are thinking about it. You can, however, decide to think about something else and every time you begin thinking about the thing you don’t want to think about, have something or some things that are more pleasant to think about already planned as diversions. At first you will still have the unwanted thoughts a bit but you will spend less time with them and more time on the more pleasant thoughts. The more you practice replacing the thoughts, the less you will think them. Have replacement thoughts ready to pivot to.  Change your self talk to be more positive and productive, to stay aimed where you want to go. My own self talk script to read over when I need replacement thoughts includes:

I know I am in charge of my own wellbeing.

I know that what comes to me is a result of how I think about life and how I react to it.

It helps me stay focused on the good that is happening in my Now if I do not watch the news or listen to other’s people’s worries and opinions.

I know that I do not need to attract more good into my life, I merely need to release my resistance to the good that is already available to me.

I know that I release resistance whenever I do something that is purely fun and enjoyable to me, when I do something that makes me be in the Now, that lets me be happy and lose time in the doing of it. For me that can be gardening, sewing, sketching, painting, hanging with my lover. Something that requires my complete and focused attention yet is fun and fulfilling.

I’ve found that nothing can help me release resistance more than doing unfamiliar things.

I know that anytime I look for the positive aspects in any situation, I find them.

I know anytime I sit and make a list of the people I love and the things I appreciate, something in me switches on and I feel better.

I know when I feel better, I suddenly see all sorts of opportunity around me that I didn’t notice before.

When I see more opportunity available to me, I feel excited about the possibilities.

When I feel excited about the possibilities, Life expands around me and good things begin happening.

When I feel happy and excited, I know that’s the time for effective creative visualization, and I begin running the best case scenario “what ifs” through my imagination.

When I begin to doubt, I simply repeat these thoughts.