A friend asked, “How do folks deal when you encounter passive aggressive behavior? I find it incredibly difficult to deal with.“ Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, saying one thing while meaning another, shifting blame, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate, repeated failure to accomplish tasks for which one is responsible.  I used to very much be guilty of saying one thing while meaning another, and of postponing saying No.  I responded, “Speaking from experience, that is my own behavior when I forget who I am and go unconscious. When I recognized that, I stopped being triggered when others did it. I realized they are ignorant and not worth the time. The kindest thing to do is to call them on it. I tell friends to do that to me. Some do. Most won’t. I can’t stop unless you call me on my stuff. You’ll learn to do it gracefully, with practice.  People want to be authentic and genuine and open but are afraid and insecure of what others might think. Help them be authentic. They’ll either be eternally grateful or they’ll shoot the messenger.”

One friend suggested simply walking away from them and sending healing thoughts. Using myself as an example, I know when I was acting in a passive aggressive way, I did not know I was. I would delay telling someone “No,” I would cancel appointments I never should have scheduled, I would procrastinate rather than saying find someone else so they could. The higher self of me wants to be authentic, so I appreciated when friends would point out my unconscious behavior. Had they simply walked away, I’d not have known what I was doing.

A pal of mine is very sarcastic and flippant and lets everyone know she’s bitter and cynical about… everything. She’s actually very shy and acts that way to appear bold. She alienates people. That’s not who she wants to be, but practiced behavior got her there. Now during each conversation we have, while she is working on this issue, she has asked me to please stop her and let her know she’s doing it if she doesn’t catch it herself. She wants to practice it until it’s her automatic response. I do as well. Bless the friends who walk alongside us during this journey, for we are teaching each other.

Understanding Passive Aggressive Behavior
How to stop being Passive Aggressive