Pinning myself in and getting myself out of it

Tuesday, May 26, 2009. I didn’t do a blog post this morning because I needed to fly out of here as soon as I woke up to drive to Ocala. I’d finished my  phone work just after 2:00am this morning and had to leave by 7:00am to meet with my Ocala connection before she got into her day.  I can do fine on 4 hours sleep, but making myself fall right asleep the minute I stop “work” isn’t so easy.  I got 3 hours in before I had to walk out the door. Usually, when the magazine is delivered each month, we do the mailing that day.  I take all the stacks left over after everyone has taken theirs, and I deliver Ocala and Cassadaga myself.  This time, I had to reschedule the Ocala trip to before the mailing, and I had to do all the last minute figuring to see who gets how many.  In my haste and exasperation, I did the math wrong and was 1500 magazines short, and didn’t notice it until I got to Ocala and opened my trunk.

That meant not only did I not have enough for Ocala, I didn’t have any for Cassadaga.  Which simply meant I’d have to split what I had between the two of them and make another trip up.  Which means another 7 hours out of what would have been a day off. It’s been a hectic week. I know, I was complaining about this a week ago in Taking My Breaks When I Can And Where I Am about scheduling things too tightly, then having the domino effect when one item changes.  I was hoping to get a couple of afternoons off between now and the next issue of Horizons, including going to the Universal Lightworker’s Conference the weekend of June 13-14, and now it seems unlikely I can make the conference.  The time off will be eaten up by me having to return to Ocala plus do the mailing plus starting the July magazine.  Whine, whine, whine.

So I’m doing all this whining to myself as I drive, and each time I’d catch myself and do my best to pivot to a better feeling thought, so I didn’t attract more confusion.  And I’d catch myself and I’d be doing fine, then a thought would come up of someone I could blame, and then I’d remember that I’m the only one to blame, since I’m the only one who attracts anything into my experience.  And then I’d give a moment’s thought to how I was attracting it, then I’d remember that thinking about that only kept it happening for me.  So then I’d remember that the remedy was to look for things to appreciate; literally, look around me, at the scenery, at the cars on the road, find something to appreciate and make myself feel better.

I was so grumpy, I’d even attracted some smart aleck little blue car that darted out in front of me, and even as I swerved to get out of his way, I noticed a big purple truck driving by (also too close!) but it was the loveliest shade of purple ever.  And it was a bright, sunny day, breezy, in the 80’s and I so love to drive during the daytime when the weather is nice.  I wasn’t attacting anything I liked on the radio, so I put in my Barry White cd and sang along while I chair danced.  An elderly looking woman on a huge Harley gave me a thumbs up at the traffic light.  Life was getting better.

Of course, I was the one who created the hell and I was the one who created the heaven.  No, I did not orchestrate the actual details of the happenings, but by virtue of my own vibrational resonance, the range of experiences that I would attract – that I would have access to – would all fall into a particular vibrational range.  Like, I couldn’t expect someone to be more dependable than I am.  I can’t expect someone to respect my time any more than I respect anyone else’s time.  I can’t expect someone else to be more enthusiastic about every step of my job than I am.

So, clearly, I have a misplaced sense of priorities here.  My priority should not be that everything runs smoothly and everything happens as planned and everyone takes responsibility for their own part.  My priority should be to remember how much I love what I do, and how much I love the people I do it with.  My priority should be that we all have a fun time doing whatever it is we do together, and then those other things will naturally fall into place by themselves.  Those other things like everything running smoothly and everything happening as planned, etc.

That will be the byproduct of my catching myself when I have a thought that tells a story I don’t want to live (“I am overworked.” “I am burning out.” “There’s no one else to do it but me.”)  And when I catch myself telling myself (or someone else) that story, I will remember that is not a story I want to live.  So I will begin to tell a different story.  I will tell myself the story of how I want it to be.  How I can make it be if I continue to focus on how I want it to be.  I can usually turn my thoughts around pretty quickly.  Sometimes just a few moments to let something sink in. The quicker I can remember that I can stop attracting it by finding something else to focus upon, something that I enjoy and appreciate, the quicker I’ll be out of it.

And speaking of being out of it, I am bushed and ready to crash.  And I’ll bet that when I wake up, I will have forgotten my grumpiness of today.  Lucky for you, so you don’t have to hear it again and again 🙂